Omer 5768 - Day 22; 3 weeks & 1 day

Today is Chesed she b'Nitzach - a day of loving kindness in a week of endurance.

I really feel badly for Barry Zito. I know I shouldn't--he didn't make the Giants give him that enormous contract. They offered and he accepted--who wouldn't take a guaranteed $126 million dollars. But he's pitching so poorly--his pitches have lost velocity, he can't make it more than 5 innings. He didn't do well last year, the first year of the contract. He's gone 0-7 to start this season, and the best he can hope for tonight is a no decision. The Giants' fans can't stand him--and show it.

I'm an A's fan, so I should be able to shrug my shoulders and say, "Ah, well...too bad....he was fine when he played for us...." But I can't. I like Barry Zito--he seems like such a good person. He's not arrogant; he's feeling the pain and taking the responsibility. He's working hard and taking all the advice. But none of it's working, and it hurts to watch.

I think major league pitchers have one of the toughest jobs in sports. So much of the game is riding on their shoulders. And their failures are so public as they take the team and the fans down with them. And it's hard to imagine how this cannot affect their entire being. Again--I know they get paid well and yes, that's part of the job that they just have to deal with to get the big bucks. But still, watching a high profile pitcher fail makes me squirm.

(Except if it's someone like Roger Clemens.....but that's a whole other story.)

Omer 5768 - Day 21; 3 weeks

Today is Malchut she b'Tiferet - a day of majesty in a week of compassion.

Last night was my monthly Mah Jongg game. Not only is it great to play, but the food brought by each of the participants is always a treat. Last night was no exception--zucchini two ways, in a beautiful terrine and as pancakes; steamed asparagus and roasted cauliflower with a creamy sweet mustard dip and noodles with peanut sauce. But this night, it was dessert that made it special.

On the second day of the omer I wrote about the matzah shortage. One of the consequences of the shortage was that when people found matzah to buy it was in the bundled pack of five one pound boxes. Given the choice of no matzah or too much, my friend Mindy chose the former. So two weeks after the end of Pesach she still had a lot of matzah. So she decided to make a fan favorite, matzah brittle.

Imagine small pieces of matzah coated with light caramel and pecans. I can tell you, it was divine. I was lucky enough to have this treat during Passover as well, since Katherine Hollander made a chocolate covered version that she shared with us at minyan. Next year I will find some recipes to add to the collection.

Eating the brittle last night inspired me today to make a small batch of Farfel Fantasies with the egg whites left over when I made the sweet mustard hollandaise-type dip. While I wasn't affected by the matzah shortage, I did buy a bit too much farfel and was happy to use my left overs. And Passover or not, they still tasted mighty fine.

So if you still have left over matzah, you could do some baking, as Mindy and I did. Others have some different ideas.......

Omer 5768 - Day 20; 2 weeks & 6 days

Yesterday was Yesod she b'Tiferet - a day of foundation in a week of compassion.

Like the Israelites standing at the edge of the Jordan River preparing to cross over into their land, we at Beth Sholom are at the edge of our own border crossing preparing to move into our new home. While our journey didn't take 40 years, there were times it felt as long as that. But in seeing the finished product, I believe it was worth the wait. We have built a foundation that will support us for many generations to come.

There is one way in which we have an advantage over the Israelites who returned to the land after their sojourn in the desert. The last book of the Chumash, Devarim (Deuteronomy) is filled with Moses' final words to the people he led through that difficult time. He was not with them when they entered the land. We are lucky to have found Rabbi Micah Hyman, our new leader who will take us into this next era of our community's life. He shares his knowledge, his compassion, and his joy with us. He will help us infuse our new space with a welcoming ruach, spirit, inviting to all who enter.

Omer 5768 - Day 19; 2 weeks & 5 days

Today is Hod she b'Tiferet - a day of humility in a week of compassion.

During a discussion with the producer of the editing project that has taken so much of my energy this week, I was taken to task about parts of the work I did. It wasn't that the work was bad, it just didn't conform with some decisions that were made by the production crew--decisions that I knew nothing about. Peter, the producer, asked me why didn't I call him with questions on what to do. My answer was that I didn't realize the questions needed to be asked. It comes down to a breakdown in communication.

There are many times in both our work and personal lives when communication between two people or within a group becomes stalled. We seem to focus on our individual answers when a better path would be to look for the questions--those to be asked and those not asked. Peter couldn't understand why I didn't ask certain questions--it was clear to him the questions needed to be asked. My response was that without certain information, I had no reason to know what questions to ask.

Peter and I are good friends and have worked together for many years. At this point we know how to get through these difficult "discussions" and resolve any conflicts to the benefit of our project and our relationship. But this reminded me of the questions I ask each morning at the start of minyan:

"What are we? What is our life? What is our piety? What is our righteousness? What is our attainment, our power, our might? What can we say, Adonai, before You?"

These are questions that we don't always know to ask, and we may not have any answers. But I believe that by continuing to ask these questions we can open the communication lines within us, to our souls.

Omer 5768 - Day 18; 2 weeks & 4 days

Today is Netzach she b'Tiferet - a day of endurance in a week of compassion.

I have endured three very long days, slaving over my computer, editing away. I need to have compassion for myself and go to sleep.

Omer 5768 - Day 17; 2 weeks & 3 days

Today was Tiferet she b'Tiferet - a day of compassion in a week of compassion

A double compassion day--and I need it. As things go sometimes in my profession, it's been an extremely long day. I'm working against a deadline, with too much to do and to little time in which to do it. Today I edited from 10 a.m. to 12 a.m., except for the hour or so break I took to have dinner with Ken, his brother Bern and Bern's wife Shirley. Bern and Shirl leave for Vancouver tomorrow evening. I haven't seen much of them but they will be back at the end of the month and I should--I better--have more time off then.

It's hard to edit in a crunch like this. I take pride in my work, but when time gets short compromises need to be made. Making those compromises is a skill in itself. I need to have some compassion for myself and remember that getting something to its proper state is not always the same as getting it perfect. A lesson for my work; a lesson for my life.

Omer 5768 - Day 16; 2 weeks & 2 days

Today is Gevurah she b'Tiferet - a day of strength in a week of compassion.

I didn't introduce my blogging the omer practice this year, thinking any regular reader would catch on the what I was doing. If you would like a short explanation of the practice, you can read last year's first entry here.

I like the discipline of having to write every day. I am forced to put the words together, for better or worse. Sometimes the topics are a bit bizarre, such as yesterdays ode to giblets. Other times I don't like the writing when I first create the post, but find that it works when I revisit the entry.

This practice reminds me that we all need to do things that we may not want to do at the time, or are not convenient. It's a commitment I've made and I keep. I can only hope that this discipline will help me keep other, more pressing commitments in my life. Once again, it's the practice thing---if you keep at it, you have a better chance at getting it right.

Omer 5768 - Day 15; 2 weeks & 1 day

Today is Chesed she b'Tiferet - a day of loving kindness in a week of compassion.

Ken's brother Bern and his wife Shirley arrived today from Brisbane, Australia. They will stay with us for a few days, then go up to Vancouver to visit their youngest son, and come back to us before they head back home. It's nice to have them visit, especially since we don't see them for years at a time.

Knowing that they would still be in jet lag mode and wouldn't want to go out anywhere, we had a nice meal at home--roast chicken, potatoes, asparagus, and salad. We shared a 1981 Pinot Noir magnum that Ken and I bought at the Beth Sholom dinner dance auction. It was a great meal, but did bring up something that's been bothering me for some time now.

It used to be that when you bought a whole chicken, the giblets--liver, lungs, "pupik", etc--was included. Following in my mother's cooking path, I would always roast those things separately in aluminum foil next to the chicken in the oven. They would be done first, and were a nice little snack before the main meal.

Nowadays, you don't get the giblets with the chicken--I don't know why. I guess I could do some internet research to find the reason. But knowing the reason will not bring back the giblets, nor will it stop me from missing them.

One more sign of the times in 21st Century America.

Omer 5768 - Day 14; 2 weeks

Today is Malchut she be'Gevurah - a day of majesty in a week of strength.

For the past two years I've taken on alot of the responsibility of keeping the Beth Sholom ritual, spiritual life alive while we've been rootless, without a home; and leaderless, with a rabbi who did nothing to help keep us together. With our move into the building imminent, now led by a rabbi who joyfully and energetically takes the reins, I can relax back into my prayer practice. This morning I read Psalm 30--a psalm I read each morning--and felt the power of its words. This was one of the psalms that I was drawn to when I first started to daven each morning. It draws me still....

Psalm 30
A Psalm of David, a Song for the dedication of the Temple

I extol You, Adonai, for You raised me up.
You did not permit foes to rejoice over me.

Adonai, I cried out and You healed me.
You saved me from the pit of death.

Sing to Adonai, you faithful.
acclaim God's holiness.

For God's anger lasts a moment;
divine love is lifelong.
Tears may linger for a night;
joy comes with the dawn.

While at ease I once thought:
Nothing can shake my security.
Favor me and I am a countain of strength.
Hide Your face, Adonai, and I am terrified.

To You, Adonai, would I call;
Before the Eternal would I plead.

What profit is there if I am silenced?
What benefit if I go to my grave?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it proclaim Your faithfulness?

Hear me, Adonai.
Be gracious, be my help.

You transformed my mourning into dancing,
my sackcloth into robes of joy --
that I might sing Your praise unceasingly,
that I might thank You, Adonai my God, forever

I am glad to start my day with the acknowledgement that there is a higher power, that I am not alone, that I will be thankful for the moments that I have. It puts life in perspective, using the words of my tribe to carry me through.

Omer 5768 - Day 13; 1 week & 6 days

Yesterday was Yesod she b'Gevurah - a day of majesty in a week of strength.

I realize that on the first day of the Omer I wrote about an impending Beth Sholom building inspection but never gave the results. As you probably can guess by my silence, there are still some things to get in order before we can move into our new home. But we are definitely only a couple of weeks away at the most. I know I'll have lots to say as we start to occupy our new space and make it our own. Until that time, I'll share an short essay I wrote for our synagogue newsletter, HaRuach. It will give you an idea of what we're in store for in our ritual spaces. And if you click on the photo, you'll be directed to an article written about the new building in the San Francisco Examiner.

Making Space for Traditions, Old and New

As I write this, the stained glass windows from the sanctuary in the old building are being installed in the chapel of the new building. This is a reflection of how we are taking the traditions that we cherish—the traditions of Judaism and of Beth Sholom—and melding them into our new home.

While the ruach, the spirit, of our community will permeate every room in our building, there are three spaces specifically designed as centers for our Jewish ritual practice—the main sanctuary, the chapel, and the meditation room. Each of these places creates space for different forms of spiritual expression.

In the main sanctuary we will come together on Shabbat and the chagim, filling that bowl with the sound of voices singing in prayer. Picture Ne’eilah, the last service of Yom Kippur, with the room filled to the brim. Look up and see the night sky for the stars that will herald the culmination of that day; look around at all the faces sharing that sacred time.

The chapel will be infused with the prayers of our daily minyanim, supporting those who feel the loss of a loved one. It will contain voices of our children as they gather weekly to learn and practice tefillah, bringing new life to these ancient prayers.

In the meditation room we can sit in quiet contemplation. It will be open before all services for those who would like to use that time as a prelude to communal prayer.

Our community stands between the stained glass of the chapel and the skylights of the sanctuary, honoring the past and looking towards the future. Together we will create a place of vibrant Jewish life for all the generations to come

Omer 5768 - Day 12; 1 week & 5 days

Today is Hod she b'Gevurah - a day of humility in a week of strength.

My teshuvah of clearing in ongoing. While working on thinning out my file cabinets I'm coming across various handouts I've been given at different spiritual workshops I've attended in the past ten years. I'm also finding pads with my notes on those workshops, filled with the teachings I chose to keep with me.

There are two tidbits I'll share with you. I believe the source is either Rabbi Arthur Waskow, Rabbi Marcia Prager, or Savina Teubal, since the notes are from a weekend I spent at the Jewish Renewal Life Center in Philadelphia in June, 2000. It was one of a series of workshops called "Nourish the Soul, Repair the World."

Torah - It's not a book, it's a library

Go through the threshold, taking your life with you...everything you did--good and bad--comes together to enrich where you are going

While I don't remember the specific teachings that led to those notes, those words that resonated with me then still resonate now. And though I may have forgotten those specific moments of learning, their kavannah--intention--seeped into my being, keeping me on this path that I cherish today.

Omer 5768 - Day 11; 1 week & 4 days

Today is Nitzach she b'Gevurah - a day of endurance in a week of strength.

I write the description of the day--endurance wrapped in strength--knowing that today is Yom HaShoah--a day to remind ourselves of the imperative Never Again.

In 2002, Wiley Miller's cartoon strip Non Sequitur featured a conversation between one of his characters, Danae--an extremely bright but somewhat Gothic pre-teen girl--and an elder man. She notices the numbers on his arm, and remarks that it is "an awfully boring tattoo." He tells her that he keeps it as a reminder "of a time when the world went mad." He continues:

"Imagine yourself in a land where your countrymen followed the voice of political extremists who didn't like your religion."

"Imagine having everything taken from you, your entire family sent to a concentration camp as slave laborers, then systematically murdered. In this place, they even take your name and replace it with a number tattooed on your arm."

"It was called The Holocaust, when millions of people perished just because of their faith. . ."

The usually hard boiled Danae is shown in sadness, wrapped in a ball with her face down, hugging her folded legs. She then looks up and says, "So you kept it to remind yourself about the dangers of political extremism?"

"No, my dear," her replies, "To remind you."



As we move further into this new century and farther away from the time of The Holocaust, let us never fail to remind ourselves and the rest of the world of the dangers when rulers wield absolute power. And even more important, remember that keeping silent in the face of wrongdoing makes us complicit in the act.

The following video is not easy to watch, but the images must not be lost. These are my people, it could have been me. These are all our people, it could have been any one of us.

Zichronim l'vracha -- Let us keep their memories, to remind us, Never Again.