Kavannah and Kevah

היום אחד שמונה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות וארבעה ימים בעמר
Today is eighteen days, which is two weeks and four days of the omer
נצח שבתפארת
A day of perseverance in a week of compassion

I've been working with friends of mine, teaching them about the Saturday morning prayer service in particular as well as the larger topic of Jewish prayer. Their oldest son will become bar mitzvah in early June, and they had been feeling lost in the service. I really appreciate their wanting to feel a connection to the ritual of prayer, to be able to participate in this important life cycle event in the way it was intended and not just be about the party.

Whenever I prepare teachings such as this, I learn something in the process. This assignment pushed me to get the first volume of My People's Prayer Book, edited by Rabbi Lawrence Hoffman. This volume, The Sh'ma and it's Blessings, gives a good introduction to prayer in regard to both form and function. It was there that I found one way to explain the prayer experience that I hadn't thought of before.

Jewish ritual is driven by two concepts -- kavannah and kevah. Kavannah is the intention of prayer, something that comes directly from within without the filter of the words in the siddur, the prayer book. It comes from the word meaning "to direct" - your words, thoughts, emotions go directly from your soul out to God--whatever that means to you. Kevah, meaning a fixed, stable state, is exemplified by the siddur, the words on the pages, as well as the order and times of the specific prayers.

Prayer is the balance between kavannah and kevah - between the structure of the service and the words from the heart. The balance point constantly changes with the needs of the moment. Sometimes the kevah--the strict order and liturgical verses can be a barrier to what you need to express. Then kavannah takes over--you can listen to the chants, feel the support of community, yet express your own feelings in your own words. Then there are times when more grounding is needed, you're looking for guidance and meaning. The words and prayers are there, carefully chosen to bring you into a state of release, where you don't have to work to find words and you can converse with God in a way that brings comfort.

Kavannah and Kevah -- another cycle of Jewish ritual that brings openings into a sacred space.

Making a Difference

היום אחד ארבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות בעמר
Today is fourteen days, which is two weeks of the omer
מלכות שבגבורה
A day of nobility in a week of strength

The week of strength ends with strong connections in my Jewish world. Today I was part of a meeting about the Kitchen siddur-prayer book that we are creating. It was productive, creative and took place in the hour that was allotted. It's so exciting to be part of a process that will help those who participate in our services approach and interact with prayer. And how great to be part of a Jewish group that takes action, rather than just talk about what action to take.

I also got to talk with a friend I met this summer as part of the Jewish Women's Archive's Educator Institute. We both teach middle schoolers/teens in a synagogue after school setting. We both have a passion to reach these kids, give them a sense of what it means to be Jewish, how our Jewish identity influences how we see the world and how we, as Jews, are seen by the world. We both understand the importance of giving these kids a teaching environment that makes them think about these issues, not just teach them dogma. My friend saw my post on Jew in a Box and we talked about how to use it in class. It was great to collaborate with her, and we plan to do more of that to develop curriculum specific to supplementary synagogue schools.

Jewish connections from coast to coast that make a difference in all sorts of Jewish communities. A great way to end this second week of the omer.

Morning Queries

היום שלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות ושני ימים בעמר
Today is the thirtieth day, making four weeks and two days of the omer
גבורה שבהוד
A day of strength in a week of humility

My favorite section of prayer in the Shacharit - morning - service is at the beginning. Starting with the morning blessings, I then check in with my relationship with myself, with others, with God. There's a Shema, the opportunity to study a little Talmud, and a chance to pay homage to the teachers in my life. Then there's a psalm of thanks, and the section ends with mourner's kaddish, taking me from my personal prayers into support for those around me. I've been saying these prayers for ten years, yet I still feel the power of their words, as strong as the first time of realization.

In my first one-on-one meeting with Rabbi Lew at the start of my first Makor Or practice period in 2001, he asked me if I had any questions. I had none. He then asked if I had any answers. No to that as well. He told me that my questions were out there, that they would find me. I felt a bit lost, not knowing how that would happen. But like the thoughts that come up in meditation, I let it go while still keeping it in my memory. And my meditation into minyan practice continued.

By that time, I had been going to minyan for about three months and was used to going with the flow of the service, even if it was too fast for me to concentrate on the meaning of the prayers. But there were those moments when certain words and phrases would catch my mind, bringing my davening momentum to a stop as I contemplate their meaning. Soon after that meeting with Rabbi Lew, I had one of those moments. Saying the prayers right after the litany of morning blessings, these words leapt out to me, seemingly for the first time:

What are we? What are our lives? What is our loving-kindness? What is our righteousness? What is our salvation? What is our strength? What is our might? What shall we say before You . . . ?

I had found my questions--or, I should say, they found me. And they find me each morning, helping me start each day with mindfulness.

The Prayer Experience

היום תשעה ימים שהם שבוע אחד
ושני ימים בעמר
Today is the ninth day, making one week
and two days of the omer
גבורה שבגבורה
A day of strength in a week of strength

I'm in my eleventh year of a consistent prayer practice. I showed up in the sanctuary of Beth Sholom for Shabbat services on January 1, 2000--it was the place I needed to be that day. I've been going to Shabbat morning services almost every week since then. I attended my first morning minyan at Beth Sholom in November, 2000. I was starting my meditation practice at Makor Or with the 6a sittings and then went to minyan at 7a. My meditation practice has a different schedule these days, but I remain a "minyanairre", going 3-5 days a week.

Someone once asked me, "what do you pray for? I mean, you certainly pray enough, what are you asking?" Prayer is not about asking for something. In the years that I've been following this practice, I've only seriously "asked for something" once. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer with thoughts of dying overtaking my psyche, I stood there and asked for "5 more years, 10 would be even better." (I'm 8 1/2 years removed from that moment--make your own connections :)

I look at prayer as a form of meditation, with my focus on words and chants instead of breath. It's about being in the present moment, giving up control, taking note of how I am, what I am, where I am, what surrounds me. There are days when the words just come from my heart and I need no siddur - prayerbook. But I do appreciate the structure that has been created through the centuries by our sages, and the poetry of the words they have chosen. And as I recite those words all these mornings, they seep into my being and can be a great comfort when I have no words of my own.

Through the good graces of Congregation Netivot Shalom and my good friend Edna Stewart, I have been able to attend a series of teachings with Rabbi Stuart Kelman on liturgy. I can't think of a better person to teach these classes. Rabbi Kelman has a passion for prayer--in terms of his practice and sharing his knowledge and experience with others. Along with the particular studies of specific prayers, he has given me two teachings that have been transforming for me.

The first deals with how to approach prayer. Rabbi Kelman says you ask three questions: What does the prayer say? What does the prayer mean? What does the prayer mean to me? Reflecting on those questions alone can be a form of prayer. It gives the act of prayer fluidity, for the answers change through the years and the centuries on both personal and tribal levels.

The second is to remember to cycle through different siddurim through your practice. There can come a fatigue, a boredom when using the same book for many years. Visual changes in format refreshes your view of the words, often bringing new meanings to mind. Different commentaries can uncover previously hidden nuances.

That second teaching came just as I was experiencing the boost from changing my siddur. I have recently opted to use the new Koren Siddur for prayer. I first heard of this because I receive the weekly Torah commentaries from Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks, presently the Chief Rabbi Of Britain. He wrote the introduction, translation, and commentary for this siddur.

This siddur does have a radical format change. The Hebrew is on the left side, the English translation on the right. From the FAQ on the Koran Siddur website (To view the pages of the siddur on their website, click here.)

Why is the Hebrew on the left side of the Siddur and the English on the right?

This placement allows the Hebrew and English texts to align at the center of the Siddur. It enables you to move between the two languages comfortably, to find meaningful line breaks easily, and to follow page turns intuitively. This placement also creates visually pleasing pages that “breathe,” as white space flows to the margins.

I've only been using this siddur for a couple of weeks, but I imagine I will be engaged with it for a good while. No, it's not egalitarian, coming as it does from the Modern Orthodox tradition. I add and change as I see fit--something I have to do with any siddur I use. But it's given me a lift I need as I shift back into concentrating on my place in prayer rather than always making sure there is a place for everyone else. As I work to find more balance in my life, it's nice to have teachers like Rabbi Kelman and Rabbi Sacks to help me along the way.