Finding my Makom Kavua in the Jewish world

היום שבעה ימים  שהם שבוע אחד בעמר
Today is seven days, which is one week of the omer
מלכות שבחסד
A day of nobility in a week of loving kindness

In Jewish tradition, there is a concept of makom kavua - a set place for prayer. The idea is that one's prayer can be more focused when there is comfort of being in place. As someone who tends to be a creature of habit, I appreciate this minhag, this custom. It is important to guard against becoming too attached to a place. It's not kosher--and certain not welcoming-- to insist on dislodging a visitor who has unknowingly taken than space. And there are circumstances when a change in place is necessary. In my almost 14 years of prayer practice, I've had major changes--such as when the building housing my space was torn down and then replaced; and small changes-- like when a newcomer arrived and appropriated my place just as I was gone for a long vacation. There's nothing I could do about the former; as for the latter, I found a new place in the spirit of shalom bayit--peace in the house.

It's fairly easy to adapt to changes in makom kavuah in my prayer life. I can always find another place to sit. Finding my makom kavua in the Jewish professional world has been a much harder task. I began my path back to Jewish observance and study in the spiritual realm. The physical practice of yoga led me to look at its philosophical underpinning. The similarities I found there with Judaism propelled back to the practices that I was so drawn to in my youth, but now in an environment without gender biases. I could develop a meditation practice within the container of Jewish tradition.

Through the years, I have found my self drawn to leading services, chanting Torah, finding ways to help my communities connect to the Jewish rituals that so deeply touch my soul. I felt the calling to reach out to those who are on a similar search but need help finding their way. How to fulfill that calling was and issue for many years.

No matter how many times I hear someone tell me I should go to rabbinical school, there are many reasons that will not happen. I have, however, found a place in Jewish education. As a teacher of both children and adults I can share my love and connections with Judaism on many levels. In return, I learn much from my students, and the spiral of give and take keeps everything fresh and relevant.

The way isn't always smooth, my confidence level wavers, and I am often the victim of my own doubts. But while the specific space may change, I have found my place, my makom kavua in the Jewish world. With the help of many wonderful communities to support me, I hope to keep my focus as I continue to answer the call.

Back with the Breath of Yoga

היום אחד ששה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות ושני ימים בעמר

Today is sixteen days, which is two weeks and two days of the omer
גבורה שבתפארת
A day of strength in a week of compassion

I don't know why I take time off from my yoga practice. It's not just the wonderful things it does with my body. There's such a positive effect on my mental state. I just feel better.

So, why have I had these periods of stoppage? Quite frankly, I don't know. But rather than spend the energy figuring that out, I'd rather approach each return like the first breath of meditation. That first breath is the best breath--your posture is firm yet relaxed; your mind is clear and present. Then, all too soon, you're back in thinking mode. When that happens, I tell my students, reset and go back to that first breath. If, in a period of meditation, you can string together a series of first breaths, you get the present focus you need.

Basking in a new first breath of yoga - hoping I can keep that beginner's mind.

Oneness

היום חמשה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וארבעה ימים לעמר
Today is twenty-five days, which is three weeks and four days, of the omer
נצח שבנצח
A day of perseverance in a week of perseverance

In honor of finishing a week of yoga - oneness, I bring you this poem:

Finding Unity 

Those who know do not speak;
Those who speak do not know.
Stop up the openings,
Close down the doors,
Rub off the sharp edges.
Unravel all confusion.
Harmonize the light,
Give up contention:
This is called finding the unity of life.
When love and hatred cannot affect you,
Profit and loss cannot touch you,
Praise and blame cannot ruffle you,
You are honored by all the world
                      ---Lao Tzu

Wishing you a good Shabbos

Holding Past, Present, & Future

היום אחד ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות לעמר
Today is twenty-one days, which is three weeks, of the omer
מלכות שבתפארת
A day of majesty in a week of compassion

Nine of the fourteen videos I've been working on are now done and delivered. With the decrease in my workload I'm able to participate in the yoga immersion this week given by my teacher, Susannah Bruder, at her studio on Portrero Hill, Yoga Sita. This time it's a group of seven students practicing together each morning from 7 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. Along with the physical, asana practice we also spend some time at the end of each session learning and discussion the philosophy of yoga.

This week we are looking at some of the Yoga Sutras, the foundational text of yoga. Susannah has asked us to look at the third chapter of the Sutras which focuses on the capabilities of the mind. Several of the Sutras focus on developing a state of concentration of the mind. In my first read this evening, I was drawn to the sixteenth Sutra of the chapter, which says that bringing Samyama--concentration and meditation--to the process of change and time brings in knowledge of the past and the future. Once again, I experience a convergence of my Jewish, Yoga, and meditation practices.

When I teach Torah, whether it's to adults or adolescents, I always talk about the timelessness of the text and it's teachings. The beauty of true sacred texts is that they are able to speak to each generation in its time. That is how they have remained relevant for thousands of years, and will continue to be relevant for thousands of years to come.

When I teach meditation, I always talk about the importance of being in the present moment. The present moment is a container for all moments, for the time past has a part in this moment and this moment will be a part of the time to come.

It also came to mind on this day of majesty, this day that I am looking at through the lens of leadership,  that a good leader needs to hold the past and look to the future while making the best decisions for the present. A difficult balancing act, but necessary to be able to lead with clarity.

Breathing Numbers

היום ארבעה ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות וששה ימים בעמר
Today is the thirty-fourth day, making four weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבהוד
A day of foundation in a week of humility

I spent the summer of 1971 in Israel with group of teens on USY Pilgrimage to Israel. Along with our American group leaders, we had counselors from Holland and Argentina. It was then that I learned that when a person counts, it will almost always be in his/her native tongue. Everywhere we went, when it came time for a head count we would hear the numbers in English, Dutch, and Spanish. It's one of those things that happens automatically--there's no thinking involved--probably why you revert back to your native language.

I thought about that today during my yoga class. We're trying to gain fluency with the numbers in my Hebrew class and my teacher suggested that we use Hebrew numbers as much as possible. I've been doing things like reading license plate numbers and prices in Hebrew. So when Susannah told us to hold each pose for eight breaths, I started to count them in Hebrew. It was not a good idea :)

I lost my focus on the pose, which meant I lost my focus on the present--an important element in yoga practice. I had to think too much--which number, which tense. It just took me out of the flow of the class. Luckily I realized early in the session that this wasn't going to work, was able to smile about it and let it go. It's hard enough sometimes to push the yoga frustration away--I didn't need to add another layer.

So I need to remember that I may never be able to count my breath in Hebrew--and maybe I am not meant to be able to do that. Then again, as when in yoga, a seemingly unreachable pose sometimes inexplicitly becomes one I do with ease--one day I might just find myself breathing the Hebrew numbers in my breath without another thought.

You never know.........

Body and Soul are One

היום שלשה ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות וחמשה ימים בעמר
Today is the thirty-third day, making four weeks and five days of the omer
חוד שבהוד
A day of humility in a week of humility

I have a habit of grabbing whichever blank-enough notebook is nearest when needing notepaper. I use binders to organize notes, so if I need to make a dedicated volume, I just transfer those pages to their new home.

The notebook I'm presently using for my Hebrew class is the same notebook I used at a Jewish text study group in December, 2008. It does seem appropriate, as these notes contain a good amount of Hebrew. Part of studying Hebrew text is looking at the different meanings and nuances of the words. I need to see the word or phrase in question, not a transliteration. Along with learning to speak the language, I'm hoping to improve my writing and reading skills.

An advantage of keeping the same book for different teachings is that you get to revisit the earlier notes as you leaf through to the new ones. As I started my last bit of preparation for tonight's Hebrew class, my eyes fell on a phrase I wrote during a study of the Shema and it's surrounding blessings:
In Judaism, there's a relationship between the moral and the physical.

This followed notes on the word כבוד - kavod, defined as honor, glory, being present, heavy, liver--the heaviest organ of the body. The ancient sages described the liver as the seat of the soul. There are notes on light - Universal Light, Light of Zion, Light of Torah. There's some discourse on listening as an intent--listening to God through the Torah. And there's the physical and spiritual representation through head and heart.

This direct relationship between tangible and intangible brings the practice it's oneness. It is another way it meshes with my yoga practice, as they both stand on the tenet that mindfulness is a unity of body and soul. Together, they keep a place of Shalom-ness, of Whole-ness, of Peace as a part of my life.

Beauty is . . .

היום שבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות ושלשה יומים בעמר
Today is the seventeenth day, making two weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבתפארת
A day of compassion in a week of compassion

For my translation of תפארת - Tiferet, the sephirot of the heart - I use the word compassion. The translation you will see most often is beauty. Because that word too often comes with the baggage of judgement, I choose not to use it. But for today, this day of beauty in a week of beauty, I bring you thoughts on beauty from Vanda Scaravelli, a transformative teacher of yoga who truly understood the integration of the practice into one's life. This excerpt is from her book, "Awakening The Spine," which contains her yoga teachings, paying homage to the unity of body, mind, and spirit that is yoga.

Beauty is not only in the spectacular glow of a sunset, in the delightful face of a child, in the incredible structure of a flower, in the joy of bright colors, in the shape of a sculpture, in the words of a poem, in the voice of a song, in the notes of a symphony. There is beauty also in the acknowledgement and expression of a feeling, in the logical process of thinking, in the discovery of a truth, in the realization of harmony, in the astonishment arising from observing the perfection with which a tree or a plant is put together. . .

Beauty brings us back that state of vulnerability, innocence and abandon in which, like a child, we are taken by the hand to disclose the kingdom of wonders and marvels thus putting us in touch with Nature where the miracle of existence is renewed each day.

We need beauty around us, Beauty is like a perfume impalpable but yet so very strong. Beauty is the essence of life. Its feeling pushes the artist to create, opens the heart to love, leads the brain to clarify, invites the mind to comprehend and brings the body to participate.

You find yourself in Beauty, unexpectedly absorbed by Beauty.

My Yoga/Jewish Convergence

היום שמנא ימים שהם שבוע אחד
ויום אחד בעמר
Today is the eighth day, making one week
and one day of the omer
חסד שבגבורה
A day of loving kindness in a week of strength

What a great class today at Yoga Sita. Because of the small class size today, my teacher, Susannah Bruder, was able to spend more time than usual with each student, fine tuning each pose to the needs of each our unique bodies. She is a great teacher, and I am grateful to have studied with her for all these years, as well as count her among my friends.

I have been practicing yoga for 13 years. My practice includes not only the physical asanas(poses) but the study of the philosophy. In fact, my study of yoga philosophy was the start of my path back to Jewish practice. Yoga philosophy centers around how we live in this world and how we live within ourselves. It can have universal appeal because it isn't deity based. That is what allowed me to delve into it as I started to look for a life integrated with spiritual practice.

I never ignored the fact that yoga is infused with the stories from Hindu scriptures. That is the culture that yoga sprung from. Sanskrit--the language of the seminal yoga texts--is the liturgical, sacred language of Hinduism. The names of the poses are also in Sanskrit, and many refer to legendary Hindi figures. But the practice of yoga is not Hinduism, although it can be one aspect of it. Being in a pose that is named after a Hindu god or goddess doesn't mean I'm worshiping that god or goddess.

I do, however, experience a Yoga/Jewish convergence. Because Hinduism and Judaism are both ancient ethnic religions, their sacred texts are also considered to be stories telling the history of their people. The texts are written in a sacred language--Sanskrit and Hebrew, two languages that are written with no vowels. The texts were originally transmitted in specific oral tones, as demonstrated today as the chanting of the Sutras and the Torah.

Yoga seems contain the moral fiber of the Hindu religion, with teachings that parallel teachings of the Torah. Many yogis spent their life studying and commenting on the sutras and other texts, just as the Jewish sages throughout the ages have written commentary--and commentary on both practices is still being written today.

I owe the meditative part of my Jewish practice to Rabbi Lew, who brought me the teachings and showed me the importance of melding meditation and prayer. But while his discovery and tie to this practice came from his Zen Buddhist experience, my ties to the practice come from yoga. Just as Rabbi Lew could feel at home in the zendo of Tassajara, not bothered by the statues and shrines found there, I feel at home in a yoga studio, not bothered by any altars dedicated to Hindu sages.

I'm still working on my concept of God. For now, I would describe God as Transcendent Energy. There is only One, but that One has many aspects and many names. The Sephirot I'm using to count the omer are 7 emanations of that One Transcendent Energy. What some would see as separate gods and goddesses, I see them as part of the One.

And so, on this day I am reminded of the loving kindness with which my yoga practice feeds and energizes my Jewish spiritual practice. I am strengthened in body, mind, and soul.

כן יהי רצון
May it always be so

Being in the Moment

היום שנים ושלשים יומים שהם ארבעה שבועות וארבעה יומים לעמר
Today is the thirty-second day of the omer - four weeks and four days
נצח שבהוד
A day of endurance in a week of humility


One thing I have come to appreciate in my yoga practice are the transitions. Not just the transitions from pose to pose, but the pauses that are the transitions between the ins and outs of my breath. These transitions that are an integral part of the practice teaches us to be in all moments of our lives--stop rushing from one point to another. And if we pay attention in the transitions, we'll be more aware when we get to our destination.

Jewish prayer services have that same respect for transitions, albeit a bit more formalized. As we go from one part of the service to another, we say different versions of the Kaddish, a prayer in which we take a moment to acknowledge the Transcendent Spirit around us. Another reminder to be in the moment, reflect on where we are, before we move on. We also say Kaddish to honor the dead, who are now apart of the Spirit within us.

Meditation practice is all about transitions. Because the main focus of the practice is to be in each moment, you're always in transition--there is no destination, just new moments.

The whole world is in transition as we enter the 21st century. We need to look at where we are, not run away from it or even towards what will come next. We need to live these moments, build upon them to get to the next.

Teaching Foundation

היום עשרים יומים שהם שני שבועות וששה יומים לעמר
Today is the twentieth day of the omer - two weeks and six days
יסוד שבתפרת
A day of foundation in a week of compassion


Last night I went with three friends to hear Aviva Zornberg, one of the premier Tanach scholars of our generation. She gave a teaching on the book of Ruth. I have heard her teachings--a friend gave me some recordings made in Israel of some classes she gave on the book of Bereshit (Genesis); and there is a podcast of a teaching gave on the book of Shemot (Exodus) as a part of the Speaking of Faith radio series.

I won't attempt to repeat any of her teaching. My notes are not good enough to do it justice. But believe me when I say it was a great lecture--and I would venture to say that all who were there would agree. I love being in a class or class-like situation (as this talk) when you can feel everyone in the room focused on the teaching. That kind of atmosphere contributes to the depth of the teaching. My friend Edna emailed me today, "I glowed all the way home about Aviva's learning."

I am lucky to have had exposure to teachers who have that capacity to draw students who are happy to focus on the teaching, absorbing what they learn. Rabbi Lew was one of those teachers, but I have experienced this in other than scholarly ways as well. Susannah Bruder, my yoga teacher of 12 years, is another master teacher who knows how to reach her students in that special way. She has built up a community of students who understand what it is to have a relationship with the practice. She teaches us both the physical and philosophical aspects of yoga which serves to deepen our practice.

Whether it's one lecture or weekly classes, I am blessed to have exposure to these wonderful teachers who give me a foundation for the practice that is my life.

Weighty Matters

This past April I started a dietary plan, to both release the toxins built up in my body and lose weight. I wanted to rid my organs of the last vestiges of the chemotherapy and other drugs taken during my cancer treatment. The weight had built up in the last five years, due in part to tamoxifen, menopause, and the natural aging process. It also didn't help that I continued to eat whatever I wanted--after all, I'd never had to worry about weight gain before this time. But now those aforementioned factors had contributed to a slowdown in my metabolism, and my BMI was coming close to the overweight zone.

The first part of the plan was a cleanse using products from Isagenix. As I reported here, while I felt good, and could feel the difference in my body, the scale showed only 4 pounds lost--a big disappointment.

But I didn't give up and when the cleanse period was done I continued to watch my caloric intake and eat primarily whole foods--lots of veggies and whole grains--while cutting way down on processed food products. I also weigh myself daily, and have gotten a better idea of my weight range. This knowledge has helped me better understand where my weight was before I started this eating regimen, what my weight status was after the cleanse, and where my weight stands now. I have determined that in this 3 month period, I have lost about 10 pounds--and it shows.

I've had people remark on my new leaner look. More important, I feel like I am back in my body. And even better, I have been able to take my yoga practice not just to where it was before my cancer diagnosis but even further--which keeps me connected to my body and my spirit.

So I encourage all of you struggling with body issues to find a healthy plan to follow and persevere. The changes may be small at first, but the continued pay off is huge.

Some get it; Some don't

As part of the yoga immersion I'm participating in this week at Yoga Sita, my teacher Susannah Bruder asked us to bring in a writing of Eknath Easwaran to share. This brought me to his website containing his teachings. I can say that I will be sharing his teachings not just with my group this week, but with other spiritual seekers I know. I've just begun to read his stuff but I already appreciate the non-denominational nature of his soul-touching teachings.

He wrote in an essay called "Read Widely":

"The treasures of mysticism can be found in all religions, and we should not confine ourselves to the tradition most familiar to us. No one age, no one people, no one persuasion has any monopoly on spiritual wisdom; the prize is there, and always has been, for any man or woman who cares and dares to look for it. Of course, whichever mystic we turn to, we will meet the same truths, because the mystical experience is everywhere the same. There is only one supreme reality, and there can be only one union with it. But the language, tradition, mode of expression, and cultural flavor will differ. One writes in French, another in Pali. One writes in poetry, another in prose. One speaks of the Mother, another of His Majesty, still another of the Beloved. In this lies the beauty of spiritual literature: on the one hand it reflects the fascinating diversity of life; on the other, the unchanging principles that stand behind that diversity, irrespective of time and place."

But Easwaran also recognizes that it is important to have a specific practice. At the end of that same essay he says:

"We should draw freely on the classics of all great mystical traditions for inspiration, but this should never take the place of reading and rereading the instructions we are trying to follow in our daily lives."

If this touches you as well, go explore the teachings of Eknath Easwaran.


And on the flip side of this crazy world........

Paris Hilton was released from jail today, having fulfilled the terms of her 45-day sentence. I can see that those days of unavoidable reflection has given Ms. Hilton a true understanding of the need to get her priorities straight. The proof of this new outlook???? Well, according to this article on Excite News, soon after she arrived at her grandparent's mansion,

". . . a black Cadillac Escalade arrived carrying balloons and a cake with the words "Welcome Home" in pink frosting. At another [point], a van from Dream Catchers Hair Extensions, Hilton's own company, passed through the gates. Dream Catchers receptionist Crystal Armijo confirmed the heiress was having extensions added to her hair."

Sigh...........

Counting the Omer Day 31 - 4 weeks, 3 days

Today is Tiferet she b'Hod - a day of compassion in a week of humility.

This week was the quarterly Yoga Sita Immersion. From 7 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. each morning I joined with a group of fellow students to practice yoga under the guidance of our teacher, Susannah Bruder. It's a great way to delve into the practice. Susannah takes us through a series of asanas - poses. As the week progresses, we become more familiar with the routine and fine tune different aspects of the asanas. Each person needs to adapt each pose for their particular body. Working with the sequence for two and half hours each morning gives each one of us the time to make the poses our own, as well as see how we can go deeper the more we practice. Susannah also shares some of the tenets of Yoga philosophy with us. It is the philosophy as well as the physical aspects of yoga that appeals to me.

Yoga was the entrance to my spiritual journey. Because it is not deity based there was no conflict with my Jewish beliefs. When I studied the eight limbs of yoga, I was impressed that the first rung were the Yamas - the traits that you need to relate to others in this world. The second rung, the Niyamas, are those traits that you need for your personal spiritual observance.

There are similarities between Yoga and Judaism. The main scriptures of both are from an oral tradition, meant to be chanted. Both core languages are challenging, read with no vowels. And as I count the omer with the sephirot, I also see many similarities between Jewish spiritual teachings and those of yoga.

T. Kirshnamacharya, a great yogi who is considered by many to be the father of modern yoga, taught that a yoga practice needed to be adapted to each individual practitioner. As his students moved into the spiritual and meditative aspects of their practice, he encouraged them to look to their own traditions. I am grateful for his teachings, for the study of yoga has greatly enriched my spiritual practice.

I dedicate this day Krishnamacharya, a man who very much embodies compassion and humility. If you would like to see him in an asana practice, go here to see him on film, recorded in 1938.

Hypocricy

Readers of this blog know about my practice of reading the wedding announcements in the Sunday NY Times. Sometimes there is a notice of a semi-celebrity couple. But this past Sunday's wedding pages contained an announcement that was, to say the least, distasteful to read.

The featured vow highlighted the wedding of Colleen Saidman and Rodney Yee. There are so many aspects of this event that are so wrong, but the worst is the justifications and rationalizations these two obviously self-absorbed people make about their relationship. To read Ms. Saidman's quote, "For us to be together, it couldn't have been a harder path" makes me ill.

Rodney Yee came to fame as a yogi (although I would not describe him as such) while teaching in the Bay Area, and I know far too much about him. In the NY times article it is mentioned that their affair started in 2002 while they were both married to others. To say they "had formed a close student-teacher relationship" is an understatement. They both justify their actions in the name of overriding, passionate love. An article about their relationship appeared in New York Magazine in May 2005.

I've read some comments on this in the blogsphere, with some people taking the attitude, "they're adults, they fell in love, it happens, what's the big whup." Well, the big whup is that this is far from the first time Rodney Yee has had an affair with one of his students.

In 2002, while his relationship with Saidman moved from platonic to "something between us that was unavoidable," he was already in the midst of a scandal centering around his sexual affairs with students. In fact, the scandal broke because one student he was involved with discovered he was having an affair with another student. In a May 12, 2002 SF Chronicle story, the former student said, "I became involved with Rodney when I was emotionally and physically very vulnerable and sought his help as my teacher. . . Rodney's misrepresentations to me, to other students and to his family about his sexual involvement with students represents an abuse of power and is unbecoming of a healer or a teacher."

What does Rodney Yee say on the subject? In a 2004 issue of SELF magazine, he admits his sexual relationships with students. "The reality is that most teachers fall in love with their students, but sex is such a small part of it." He did say that teachers should not get involved with their students, but "every once in a while, just like in therapy, there might be real chemistry between two people. It's a decent guideline, but you shouldn't be crucified for not following it. . . I don't understand what the big deal is. It's private. It's none of your business or anyone else's." I'm so outraged by this that I won't even comment. I think his justifications of consistent abuse of the teacher/student relationship speak for themselves.

Maybe these two people deserve each other. But if I were Colleen Saidman, I'd be prepared for history to repeat itself. She should note this Yee gem from the SELF magazine article, "Some [of the relationships] were OK and some weren't, and I should have made more boundaries. . . I've never had one-night affairs, but deep friendships that moved into sexuality. If that's a mistake, then I've made that mistake." It seems you've made lots of those mistakes, Mr. Yee. Instead of teaching yoga workshops in India with your new wife, perhaps you would be better served by refreshing your own studies of yoga, particularly the yamas, and niyamas. That way you will embody the true meaning of yoga.