Hearing the Words through the Generations

היום ארבעה ושלשים יום, שהם ארבעה שבועות וששה ימים, בעמר
Today is thirty-four days, which is four weeks and six days, of the omer
יסוד שבהוד
A day of foundation in a week of humility

I've heard it said that all translation is commentary. That is certainly true when it comes to Tanakh and other Jewish texts. Hebrew is the language of those texts, the language of our liturgy. As one who studies those texts and translates that liturgy, I am keenly aware how much can change with different connotations of words and phrases.

For instance, what is often translated as "obey God" is usually, in the literal translation from Hebrew, a variation of "hear the voice of God." To me, those bring up two different reactions, giving me two different ways to look at the relationship between God and the Israelites in the Torah.

It was pointed out to me by a biblical historian that in the culture of ancient times, "hearing the voice of..." was a phrase that meant "obey." To that I say, fine, but that is not what reads to me. And that is the magic of sacred scripture--that it is how it is able to speak to each generation in its time using the same language.

The Torah is a foundation of my life, and I am humbled by ancients who created it, keeping its messages and stories accessible from culture to culture––from language to language––לדור ודור l'dor v'dor from generation to generation.

In the flow of the language

היום ששה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וחמשה ימים בעמר
Today is twenty-six days, which is three weeks and five days of the omer
הוד שבנצח
A day of humility in a week of perseverance


As I continue my daily blog writing for this year's omer practice, I also have to find time each week to write in Hebrew. I have written some posts of some of my trials, tribulations--and even a few triumphs as I continue to work on proficiency in this language that I love. (You can find them by clicking on "Hebrew" in the categories listed in the sidebar.) This year, I can see my relationship with Hebrew represented in this day of humility and perseverance.

Three years ago, I used the day of compassion and strength to write about my Hebrew studies. I ended that post with "I have the strength--and the smarts--to learn Hebrew. I need to add in compassion, give myself the time and space to let the knowledge settle in." Although there have been ups and downs, I do think that has taken place and I've moved forward in my Hebrew comprehension. When I study Torah, I can begin to uncover new meanings by looking at the grammatical structure of the verses and for a Torah geek like me, that's pretty cool.

Being more aware of the flow of the language also makes me a better Torah reader and service leader. People can hear the particular cadence and feel a connection to the writings. Part of the responsibility of a prayer leader is to bring people along with you, help them experience the letting go that prayer can bring. Having an understanding of the language helps me convey the poetry of the words, and allows the kahal, the community, to take them in and cycle them out in their voices, which is part of the point of prayer.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to speak fluent Hebrew. That's a maybe/maybe not. I worry that I won't be able to get enough vocabulary to stick in my brain. But I need use the aspect of humility to be able to learn in my time and not worry what advanced state I should be--again, the message of presence. Remember that like everything else in life, it's a journey. As long as I keep going, persevere, it doesn't matter how big or small the steps.

Women of Valor

היום אחד שלשה עשר יום שהם שבוע אחד וששה ימים בעמר
Today is thirteen days, which is one week and six days of the omer
יסוד שבגבורה
A day of foundation in a week of strength

I began my Yom HaShoah commemoration yesterday dealing with the global aspect of needing to continue this important remembrance. We need to take the reflections of this day and turn them into actions. And the news this past week of the words and actions of Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy shows how much work there is to combat racist hatred.

Today I honor two women who survived the Shoah with their souls intact. Neither had easy lives and suffered wounds often hidden but never completely healed. They both lived long lives with a deep faith not so much in God but in the spirit, teachings, rituals, and traditions of Judaism.

My dear friend Mitzi Wilner survived by living as a Catholic nanny using her best friend's papers with her friend's maiden name. But her parents, her sisters, and much of her family were captured and killed in the German "actions" in her Polish town. Somehow she was able to keep her faith in a way seems unfathomable in the context of her experiences. As Rabbi Lew wrote upon hearing of her death: "Mitzi’s spirituality was irreducibly Jewish; a great light that she carried out of some of the darkest places the Jewish soul has ever seen, and into a world of hope and continuity."

And then there was Goldie Rassen, who rarely talked of her life in that dark time. She was in a labor camp, and she made it through. She felt so strongly that adherence to Jewish practice is what would keep Judaism alive for the generations to come. She wanted Jews to know Hebrew, to read the literature, the poetry, the teachings that Judaism has to give, both secular and sacred. Her life was dedicated to teaching others, and she was cherished by her students. While I don't have a photo of her, I have this poem I wrote in her memory to keep her in my heart

לגולדי  –  מורה שלי – חברה שלי

To Goldie - My Teacher - My Friend

אני זוכרת את הפנים שלך

I remember your face

אני זוכרת את הקול שלך

I remember your voice

אני זוכרת את הידיים שלך

I remember your hands

אני זוכרת שלמדתי איתך

I remember studying with you

אני זוכרת שדיברתי איתך

I remember speaking with you

אני זוכרת ששרתי איתך

I remember singing with you

אני זוכרת שהתפללתי איתך

I remember praying with you

את יושבת בלב שלי כל אזמן

You live in my heart forever

זכרונך לברכא לי

Your memory is a blessing to me

Zichronot L'vracha
The memories of these two strong, courageous women
are certainly a blessing to me. 

The practice of learning Hebrew

היום תשעה ועשרים יום שהם ארבעה שהבועות ויום אחד לעומר
Today is twenty-nine days, which is four weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבהוד
A day of loving kindness in a week of humility

I just got back from Hebrew class--a definite lesson in humility for a type A personality who is used to being the smart girl in class. I need to let in some loving kindness for myself to fight the frustration. Now in my third year of studying with Anat Wolins of Yad Moshe, there is more light coming in that when I first started. I'm getting better and better at writing, and can express myself in essays without constantly going to the dictionary. The speaking is still difficult. I am often among Israelis, and yet will not let on that I know enough Hebrew to converse--it's just too stressful. But I can read with more comprehension than ever before, which is what is important to me. And the speaking will come...I just need to be patient, and treat learning Hebrew like the rest of my practices---day by day, it will come.

Two Threads of My Life....

היום ארבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות לעומר
Today is fourteen days, which is two weeks of the omer
מלכות שבגבורה
A day of majesty in a week of strength

My soul's ties to Judaism has two main threads that converge and join with modern influences to inform my practice and, in many ways, my life.

I definitely feel the call of the ancient. I can't remember a time when I couldn't read Hebrew or say the Shema--it was just a natural progression. On my road back to Jewish practice, as I chanted Torah and participated in Shabbat and weekday prayers along the way, the flow of the Hebrew language made a deep connection. And as I delve deeper and deeper into text study of the ancient scriptures, I also find a connection to those people, my people, my tribe. And from that tie also comes a link to the Middle East--a tie that, quite frankly, can bring pain right now. But as a Jew I do feel a tie to the culture of that region, with roots in the same ancient times as so many others.

In my mind, there's little doubt where my tribe ended up when forced out into the wider world. My ancestors did not go south, for I am Ashkenazic to the core--no DNA test necessary :) With Romanian on mom's side, there might be some gypsy influence, but the Galitziana in me from the Sniatyners on my dad's side is strong. Ken looks at family photos taken around 100 years ago, points at a little girl and says, "that could be you."

When it comes to the importance of Jewish ritual in my life--many rituals which stem from the Ashkenazic line--the tie gets complicated by my gender. For years I identified with the yeshiva buchers--boys. I wasn't happy with the identification, but it was the closest I could get. But as I've learned more Jewish history during the years, I have now found my place in those early years. I was in the women's section of the synagogue, leading them in prayer, sharing the Torah parsha with them.

Now, my identity as a New York Jew in San Francisco....well, that's the topic for another post :)

Student...Teaching

היום שמונה ימים שהם שבוע אחד ויום אחד לעומר
Today is eight days, which is one week and one day, of the omer
חסד שבגבורה
A day of loving kindness in a week of strength

Speaking of moving forward (see yesterday's post), as of tonight I will be in my third year of studying Hebrew. Because I started my studies at this time of year, there's documentation of my thoughts as I embarked on my studies, and some stopping points along the way. This is a journey that is important to me on different levels.

In my first post of this series, describe how the Hebrew language reaches out to me. I am affected simply hearing the sounds without full understanding of their meaning. But I still want to be able to listen with comprehension, and that means being able to enter the flow of a language that is routed differently than the language I'm used to hearing. I'm getting better at decoding when I'm reading something; getting the meaning orally is still often elusive.

While I'd like to really "hear" Hebrew, speaking it is a lower priority for me. It's not that I don't want to be able to it--comfortably conversing with others will mean that I have a good command of the language. It's more important to me to read material written in Hebrew without the filter of translation.

I entered into my Hebrew studies for all of those reasons. But there is one side effect of this study that has become equally important not just for me, but for my b'nei mitzvah students. I believe that to be a good teacher you also have to be a student. I fulfill my "student" quota in many ways--I study Torah weekly and attend other classes. lectures, programs, and workshops throughout the year. But for the most part, that learning is within my comfort zone. Studying Hebrew can bring me to a high frustration level, feeling like it's out of reach. But if I breathe through it and break it down, maybe even moving back a few steps before continuing forward, I do move ahead.

And this is what I can share with my students. They need to read the Hebrew while they're decoding the trope. Even if they're memorizing the tune from a recording, they still have to put it with the words. And then, when their haftarah is learned, they need to master a different tune to chant Torah--and this time, there's no vowels or symbols or colors to aid them. It's my job to help them breathe through it and break it down, maybe even moving back a few steps before continuing forward. And then they move ahead.

In order to teach, it is necessary to understand what it means to learn--on an emotional as well as intellectual level. That way, with loving kindness and strength, we guide our students on their way.

On the Hebrew trail . . .

היום עשרה יומים שהם שבוע אחד ושלשה יומים לעמר

Today is ten days, which is one week and three days, of the omer

תפארת שבגבורה

A day of compassion in a week of strength

It's now been a little over a year since I once again began my quest to read and speak Hebrew with understanding and fluency. I've never been good with languages, and as languages go, Hebrew is one of the more difficult ones to learn. Sure, I know the alphabet, but for many years read the words with little comprehension of their meaning. In the ten plus years I've spent davening, studying scripture, and chanting Torah I've gained a lot of meaning from the prayers and texts. But I would like to read both the ancient writings and the more modern literature through a clear lens, without the filter of someone else's translation.

I am lucky to have now found a great teacher whose methodology of teaching really works for me. Anat Wolins has started her own school, Yad Moshe, to teach Hebrew to adult students. She knows how to build knowledge, not just rote memory. The vocabulary lessons cycle through different subjects, each round bringing more sophistication to our repertoire. In grammer class, she decodes the patterns, so we can start to think in the Hebrew structure and not get stuck trying to force our English forms on the Hebrew.

She is also a teacher who is able to meet students wherever they are and bring them along. She supports us while she's challenging us; encouraging us to take chances and giving us the opportunity to learn through our mistakes. She is sympathetic to the frustrations that bubble up when the learning is just not sinking in, calming the fear.

Last year, at the start of my studies, I wrote a post called "Breathing Numbers," about not being able to count in Hebrew when timing my yoga poses. While I may or may not be able to do that now, I am able to say the blessings and count for the omer without looking them up in the siddur. I even know to use the male form of the numbers because I'm counting days and weeks, which are masculine nouns.

While this may seem like a small thing, it's big to me. It means I am learning, I am understanding--I'm not just memorizing, cramming words into my brain. I've had my meltdowns in class--I'm an A-type personality, and see myself as the "smart girl." I'm very hard on myself when I feel like I'm failing at the task at hand. But if I can see this progress, however small, maybe I can back off and realize how much I've retained. The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is coming closer.

Today represents compassion that lives in a container of strength. I have the strength--and the smarts--to learn Hebrew. I need to add in compassion, give myself the time and space to let the knowledge settle in. Maybe one year I'll be able to blog the omer in Hebrew :)

Breathing Numbers

היום ארבעה ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות וששה ימים בעמר
Today is the thirty-fourth day, making four weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבהוד
A day of foundation in a week of humility

I spent the summer of 1971 in Israel with group of teens on USY Pilgrimage to Israel. Along with our American group leaders, we had counselors from Holland and Argentina. It was then that I learned that when a person counts, it will almost always be in his/her native tongue. Everywhere we went, when it came time for a head count we would hear the numbers in English, Dutch, and Spanish. It's one of those things that happens automatically--there's no thinking involved--probably why you revert back to your native language.

I thought about that today during my yoga class. We're trying to gain fluency with the numbers in my Hebrew class and my teacher suggested that we use Hebrew numbers as much as possible. I've been doing things like reading license plate numbers and prices in Hebrew. So when Susannah told us to hold each pose for eight breaths, I started to count them in Hebrew. It was not a good idea :)

I lost my focus on the pose, which meant I lost my focus on the present--an important element in yoga practice. I had to think too much--which number, which tense. It just took me out of the flow of the class. Luckily I realized early in the session that this wasn't going to work, was able to smile about it and let it go. It's hard enough sometimes to push the yoga frustration away--I didn't need to add another layer.

So I need to remember that I may never be able to count my breath in Hebrew--and maybe I am not meant to be able to do that. Then again, as when in yoga, a seemingly unreachable pose sometimes inexplicitly becomes one I do with ease--one day I might just find myself breathing the Hebrew numbers in my breath without another thought.

You never know.........

Breaking the Language Barrier

היום עשרים יום שהם שני שבועות וששה יומים בעמר
Today is the twentieth day, making two weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבתפארת
A day of foundation in a week of compassion

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I have started taking Hebrew Classes with Anat Wolins at her Yad Moshe Adult School for Hebrew. While I have been studying, chanting, and davening in Hebrew for over ten years, the ability to speak in Modern conversational Hebrew has eluded me. I have taken classes, tried Ulpan immersion, and bought books and some software. I just can't get it to stick.

There is a mantra in my immediate family--we're just not good with languages. No one in my family speaks a second language. My father has some Yiddish; I can pull up some elementary French I learned in High School--that's about it.

I love the Hebrew language--it speaks to me, touches a place of ancient memory. It is through that connection that I am able to chant Torah in a way that reaches out to allow those following along, enabling them to hear the poetry of the words. One reason I want to learn to speak modern Hebrew is to be able to tap into the modern Jewish connections found in the poetry of Israel's Yehudi Amichai and Zelda. I also want to tap into the scholarship and literature that is part of my Jewish heritage. I want to be a better teacher of Jewish studies--and to do that, I need to know Hebrew.

And so, I step once more into the frey :) I know I have the intelligence to learn. I have the desire to learn. I hope I have the aptitude to learn. I can already write with the Hebrew alphabet--actually, my handwriting is better in Hebrew than in English, although not by much. I can easily read with the vowels, and my years chanting Torah help my ability to read without them.* I'm even sure I can input the vocabulary into my brain. It's the grammatical system that gives me a headache. There are so many gender, number, and tense combinations that apply to so many parts of the sentence. It's hard to imagine it coming to me naturally, to be able to speak effortlessly. But I have to believe it will happen.

When I started playing the guitar this summer, I felt I would never be able to approach playing an F chord, a chord that needs a finger on each of the six strings--you do the math:) Of course, the F chord is integral to so many of the songs I want to play, and, at the time, it felt so far away. But through the months of practice I've been able to find a way to make it work, albeit imperfectly. As long as I keep practicing, I can see that I will get better. That experience, combined with Anat's teaching style and experience, gives me hope that with perseverance, I will become a Hebrew speaker.

Imagine my joy when I combine the two, playing the guitar, singing Hebrew songs with complete comprehension.

כן יהי רצון
May it be so


*Hebrew words are written without vowels--both biblical and modern Hebrew. In this way, it's similar to Sanskrit - see this post.

Invitations to Learning

היום תשעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות וחמשה יומים בעמרToday is the nineteenth day, making two weeks and five days of the omerהוד שבתפארת
A day of humility in a week of compassion

I covered the Bay Area--north, south, east west--traveling to many different events today. I drove northwest to Beth Sholom for minyan, then south to San Mateo for a teachers' meeting at PTBE, back up north to Beth Sholom again for a memorial service, then northeast to my Hebrew class in El Sobrante, and back southwest, coming home to San Francisco. Yes, a very full day encompassing lots of different emotions as well as distances.

At the teachers' meeting we discussed different ways to include the families of our students into the Jewish education sphere. Family support is key to having our students understand the role Judaism plays in their lives. Lisa Langer, a family education specialist with the Union for Reform Judaism was there to facilitate the meeting. In one exercise, we broke into groups to prioritize what types of Jewish family events would have the biggest impact on both students and their parents. Each group was given an envelope containing slips of paper that had the events written on them. While there was some differences between the groups in the middle-impact category, the top and bottom event was the same for all three groups. At the top--a synagogue run, family trip to Israel. On the bottom, parents dropping off their kids at religious school.

Lisa then asked us if we wondered why the latter event was even included. After all, that's kind of the crux of the issue--non-involvement of the parents, a "I drop them off and you take care of that for me" attitude that we are seemingly trying to combat. But Lisa made the point that what we look at as "just" dropping the kids off is more effort that many families make. We need to give credit to these parents for giving their children the opportunity to learn about their religion and heritage, even as we would wish they would be more involved in the process.

I appreciate gaining that perspective. Instead of viewing those parents with derision, we need to realize they are coming closer than those who avoid giving their children any Jewish education. At least they come up to the door---we need to open the door wide and find ways to invite them to come in.

A good lesson to get in this week of compassion.

Hebrew (elementary) School

היום חמשה ועשרים יומים שהם שלשה שבועות ארבעה יומים לעמר
Today is the twenty-fifth day of the omer - three weeks and four days
נצח שבנצח
A day of endurance in a week of endurance



This is the third year that I've "blogged the omer." In the two prior years, I titled each post by its day number, and noted the sephirot combination in the first line. While it was easier to not have to create a title each day, it makes it harder to find a particular post when I want use it for reference.

This year I decided to make up a title so that I can easily tell what I wrote about that day. I put the count and sephirot combo at the beginning of each post, with one more new addition--I've added the Hebrew. It's easy enough to do on my Mac-I just change the keyboard when I want to type in Hebrew. Not only the letters change--it also changes the typing to start on the right and continue left. And while I can have the keyboard set up as I assume it is used in Israel, I choose the QWERTY option, which has the keys for the Hebrew letters correspond to what is a "similar" letter in English, i.e. the Hebrew letter raish - ר - is on the R key. They don't all work as well as that, but I've learned where the anomalies are so that I can type the Hebrew without thinking too much.

The bigger issue is the spelling. Although I know the words I'm typing and they are words I see each day in the siddur (prayerbook), I don't always remember the correct letters. So when I'm not sure of the Hebrew spell, I go for a phonetic version and hope for the best. Yes, I could look them up in the dictionary, and I have done that at times. But some days I just go for it. I do go back and correct some errors, and will probably clean them all up by the end of this year's omer. I do want the archive versions to be correct :)

My struggles with Hebrew transport me back to elementary school (not that I remember that much about that time sooo long ago). It brings back the experience of learning something that has to be visually decoded first before you can even get to the level of understanding. Dealing with that comes with a certain amount of frustration as part of the process. I guess I need to find the right keys to unlock the gate to understanding, or find the right teacher--the gatekeeper who can unlock the gate for me.