Writing in the past; editing for the future

היום אחד ועשרים  יום שהם שלשה שבועות בעמר

Today is twenty-one days, which is three weeks of the omer
מלכות שבתפארת
A day of nobility in a week of compassion

With all my talk about the present, I end this week in both the past and the future.

I spent part of the afternoon going over the changes for the Kitchen's Machzor (High Holiday Prayerbook) 2.0. Machzor 1.0 was created in 8 months with the understanding that it would be revised and redesigned in a year or two. It made it two years, and will always shine as our first edition that would form the basis for all editions to come. But the time has come for the new edition, and I will spend the next three weeks immersed in the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur liturgy fixing mistakes and expanding the content.

The rest of today was spent preparing for tomorrow's classes and tutoring b'nei mitzvah students who live on opposite sides of the bay. I needed to count the next day of the omer when I finally got home. So while I'm technically in the 22nd day of the omer, this entry marks the day past.

My practice is to have one entry for each day--a goal sometimes met, sometimes not. Allowances like this are sometimes needed to make it work. And that is the message of compassion for the process as we now move into a week of perseverance.

Returning to the Turning

היום שבעה עשר יומים שהם שני שבועות ושלשה יומים לעמר
Today is the seventeenth day of the omer - two weeks and three days
תפרת שבתפרת
A day of compassion in a week of compassion


The month before the High Holidays, Elul, is a time of meditation and introspection. It is a time when Jews look inward, looking for some aspect that is wrong or out of place in their lives, and work to find a path away from that harmful place towards something better. That practice is called Teshuvah, often translated as repentance but returning is a better translation.

One year when studying with my teacher Norman Fisher during Elul, he talked about looking at Teshuvah as a turning instead of a returning---take what you're working on and "turn it" -- look at the other side. That year I was working on the judgemental aspect of my personality. Being judgemental would often cloud my view of people and events, leading me to wrong conclusions and, at times, bringing out what I felt was my nasty side.

So, what was the flip side of being judgemental? I looked and saw caring. In order to feel judgemental about something or someone, you need to care about what is happening or what that person is doing. If I could concentrate on the caring side, maybe I could melt away the judgements.

In the years that have followed, I have continued this work and it has helped greatly. Not that I don't have my lapses--but then I need to remember to be caring to myself and get rid of that self-judgement. Beating myself up doesn't help anything and just leads to stagnation. Learning to care enough to make the changes that are needed is the lesson. The lapses are inevitable, but if I can remain mindful of what is happening, I will keep making a fresh start. I make my teshuvah to keep compassion--for myself and others--as one of the filters of my life.

Turning and Returning

We are now in the month of Elul, the final month of the Jewish calendar, a month of introspection and contemplation culminating in Rosh Hashonah and the Days of Awe.

This is the time in Jewish yearly cycle that Jews are asked to focus on Teshuvah--a word often translated as repentance, but one that actually means return. It is a time to look back over the past years, reflect on the actions of your life and see what can be turned towards building and, often, rebuilding a better future. The break down to the depth of the soul began at Tisha b'Av. Now is the time to set the cornerstone for the coming year.

Teshuvah is a very personal, individual endeavor. Each person must decide each year what work needs to be done. For me, this year is a time to finish the transition forced upon me with my cancer diagnosis, and fully accept and embrace the opportunities this phase of my life has to offer. I am trying to rid myself of the clutter I have accumulated these past 5 years, of clutter both material and emotional. I am trying to clear my house of unnecessary possessions that just take up space and clear my mind of fearful thoughts that hold me back.

Each morning of Elul the shofar is sounded, not a call to arms but a call to peace--a peace within our hearts and soul. May we all find a way to turn to that peace and carry it with us into the new year.