An Accounting of the Count

היום יום אחד בעמר
Today is the first day of the omer
חסד שבחסד
A day of loving kindness in a week of loving kindness

Today starts the period of the omer--a 49 day period of counting each day from the second day of Passover to the day before Shavuot. For those unfamiliar with this Jewish ritual, I recommend this article by Rabbi Jill Jacobs on MyJewishLearning.com for a good nuts-and-bolts overview of the ritual. As you will notice in the header to this post, which will occur in all subsequent omer posts, I use the kabbalistic method of marking each day, using 7 of the 10 of the Sephirot, the emanations, forces, emotions which, according to those mystics, are connections between us and God. Each week has a sephira; each day has a sephira. In the 49 days we get every pair combination. Explanations of the Sephirot can be found here and here; here you will find an overview of using them for the omer count. Feel free to search around for other sources but please, as with all internet searches, be mindful of who is putting out the information.

I also use this time as a writing practice, adding a blog post each day. As I need to remind myself each year on this first day of chesed she b'chesed--a double day of loving kindness, the practice is simply to write. It doesn't have to be award-winning or incredibly insightful--it just has to be. That is why it's called a practice. Like the counting itself, performing the ritual is its own reward. And like much of Jewish practice, fulfillment will come from the doing of the action--even if it takes a while to become evident.

I have one more thought to end this 5774/2014 inaugural post. It's something that now seems so obvious but just occurred to me as I began to think about this year's writings. This blog is an account of my thoughts with some stories of my life. An account --- a (c) count. A reckoning in words rather than numbers. And of course, that is its origin, from Old French to Anglo-French to Middle English to today.

So it seems that my adding this writing element is not just an overlay to the ritual, but emanates from within. 

The cycle continues...the counting begins...

היום יום אחד בעמר
Today is the first day of the omer
חסד שבחסד
A day of loving kindness in a week of loving kindness

With all good intentions, I meant to have this wonderful introductory post all written and ready to post last night after coming home from seder and my first night of counting the omer. While I managed a tweet--a new element added to the ritual this year, I'm feeling a bit stuck and almost nervous to start the writing practice. But like the Jewish yearly holiday cycle, the time comes and the ritual begins, ready or not. And that, one could say, is the beauty of following the cycle--you learn the practice is in the doing...the rest will follow.

For those who are new to this practice, I recommend you read this article by Rabbi Jill Jacobs. It gives a good basic explanation of the ritual along with the nuts and bolts of how to perform it. It is a counting time of 49 days starting on the second day of Passover and leading to the 50th day, which is Shavuot. It is a biblical commandment which was then adapted into rabbinical Judaism.

The Kabbalists added a layer by taking the 7 Sephirot -- emanations, illuminations, attributes that connect God, the Transcendent, to humans. For a bit more on this in a dogma-free manner, read this article from David Cooper. Each day of the week is one sephirah; each week is a sephirah. In the course of 49 days we encounter every combination of a particular day in a particular week. It can serve on a conscious, guided meditation on life as we count from Pesach to Shavuot -- from liberation to revelation.

This will be the 7th year that I have added my own ritual to the practice. I pledge to write each day. What I write is up to me. There doesn't have to be a thread, although there are years I've tried that. Sometimes my theme matches the sephirot of the day, sometimes not. The writings certainly aren't always stellar--but that's not the point. There just needs to be an entry, a counting, some words to mark the day.

There are friends who come on this journey with me in one way or another. Since I post the count and a link each day on Facebook, for some it's a helpful reminder to continue their own count. Others check in the blog from time to time; others read each day--with a shout out of love to my dad, who is my most faithful reader.

This year I'm added a tweet each night with the count--although the writing will mostly take place the next day. If you'd like to get those tweets, you can find me at @mdivah  

So, welcome to Omer5773. And appreciate that we start, as always, on a day of double loving-kindness.

A Double Dose of Tiferet

היום שבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות ושלשה ימים לעומר
Today is seventeen days which is two weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבתפארת
A day of compassion in a week of compassion

Of all the sephirot, I'm feeling Tiferet - what I'm choosing to translate as compassion - the most deeply this year.

I feel it personally, realizing I need to cultivate a path of compassion for myself in order to keep moving forward in my life.

I feel it professionally, especially when I teach--understanding that compassion for my students brings me the opening I need to reach them.

And I feel, more and more, that compassion is something that is being lost in the world today--something we must reclaim. For with compassion comes understanding. And it's only through understanding that we can have peace.

כן יהי רצון

May it be so

From Judgement to Compassion

היום חמשה עשר יום שהם שני שבעות ויום אחד לעומר
Today is fifteen days, which is two weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבתגארת
A day of loving kindness in a week of compassion

At services yesterday, I spoke about how the kabbalists viewed Rosh Chodesh, the start of each month, as a chance for renewal. We start with the darkness of the new moon which then grows to fullness. It's a good time to take a breath, and have a brief moment of teshuvah.

I grapple with the judgemental side of my personality. I am very hard on myself; if I'm going to do something, I'd better do it right -- whatever that means. That attitude can seep into my observations of what others are doing--or not doing, as the case may be. And when my thinking goes in that direction, I become unaware of other aspects of what is happening that need to be taken into account.

In the early years of my Makor Or practice I spent a lot of my contemplative time looking at my judgemental tendencies. Then in a Elul teaching session,  Norman talked about looking at teshuvah not as repentance, as it is often translated, but as a returning--closer to its meaning. Keep turning around whatever it is you are concentrating on and see what is on the other side.

It was when I looked at the other side of my judgement attitudes, I saw compassion. For if I didn't care, there would be nothing to be judgemental about. So if, when I'm feeling those judgemental thoughts inch up on me, I can focus on the why do I care, I might be able to find the compassion that lives on the other side. And if I can look at what is happening through the lens of that compassion, I can find a clearer way to help what ever the situation may be--it may be to help others, it may just help myself. It may be that I find a way to solve an issue; it may be I find a way to let an issue go. Either way would bring loving kindness into the mix.

Strength of Spirit; Strength of Healing - UPDATED

היום תשעה ימים שהם שבוע אחד ושני ימים לעומר
Today is nine days, which is one week and two days of the omer
גבורה שבגבורה
A day of strength in a week of strength

Does life follow the sephirot, or do the sephirot follow life?

This year, in this week, there is a mighty convergence of the two.
A very strong spirit was compromised with a very strong internal jolt.
But an outpouring of healing energy
emanating from a widespread but spiritually powerful community
is bringing strong support.

And so, on this day of double strength, I post this message
to build the path toward Refuah Shleimah--a Full Healing

Dear friends, family, and all loved ones of Sam Rudra Swartz,

As you have probably heard by now, Sam Rudra experienced a pretty serious heart attack on Saturday April 15th. He's resting and recovering in the hospital in San Francisco, and is getting excellent medical attention and support. Sam Rudra is in good spirits, is joking around and interrogating all the doctors and nurses about where they're from, when their birthdays are, and their favorite sports teams -- in other words, being his usual Sam Rudra self. Everyone seems pretty pleased with the recovery he's making, although he's going to be staying in the hospital for a few more days. 

Lots of people have asked how they can help. Here are some things you and your family can do to help support Sam during his recuperation:

1. Keep sending prayers and thoughts of healing -- powerful OMs, r'fua shleimah, good vibes, whatever you've got -- his way. These messages are getting through to him, and he's especially appreciate of all the wonderful words of support everyone has sent via facebook posts, emails, and texts. (Please know that if you don't hear back from him right away it's because he's resting, but he really is seeing or hearing all of them).

2. Make a donation to support Sam's healing process. Kind friends in San Francisco have offered to let him stay with them while he gets back on his wheels, but the going's going to be tough for a bit. One thing that will really help Sam be healthier is being in a better wheelchair. On behalf of Sam and all of who have spent time with this amazing person, please consider making a contribution to help Sam Rudra Swartz recover peacefully and get a new wheelchair, so he can regain his mobility and be back out in the world as quickly as possible. 

Contributions can be made in three ways:

--> Through PayPal. We've set up a donation system on PayPal, so you can send your support easily and safely on line. 

Please click here to participate in Sam's recovery and to help him get a new wheelchair 

--> By check. 

Please send checks payable to Samuel Swartz care of:

Leah Muse-Orlinoff

P.O. Box 14684

San Francisco, CA

94114

--> In person (if you are in San Francisco). Stuart Surya Dick, Heather Sevika Ford, Marilyn Heiss, and Leah can all accept donations to Sam's recovery fund. Contact any one of us for more information.

Again, thank you all for your strong and immediate messages of healing and peace. Sam Rudra is healing well thanks to the loving thoughts of the thousands of us whose lives he's touched over the years; now it's our turn to smooth his road to full health.

_____UPDATED APRIL 22

Hi everyone!

Leah here with a quick update on Sam Rudra's progress towards health. As you probably know, Sam Rudra is out of the hospital and resting comfortably at the home of the extraordinary Stuart and Joe. His spirits are good, but he's still working on getting used to his meds. The doctor has prescribed two months of cardiac rehab, so that will be starting soon. Meanwhile, he's trying to catch up on rest (hospitals are hardly relaxing places to be, as you probably know) and slowly regaining his strength. 

If you'd like to come visit Sam Rudra during his recuperation, kindly contact me (Leah) at lealo.rapido@gmail.com. We're trying to manage the flow of visitors through Stuart & Joe's house and make sure Sam Rudra has plenty of down time during the day to focus on healing.

Sam Rudra would also like me to thank you all again for the amazing outpouring of love and encouragement that you have all sent his way over the past week. He's working towards catching up with everyone and returning phone calls and messages, but please understand if it takes a little longer for him to respond to you, and know that your message was deeply meaningful to him.

For those of you who have generously shown your support of Sam Rudra's recovery through a donation to the Sam Rudra Swartz Healing Fund, I wanted to let you know that we have been able to arrange for some much needed repairs to his wheelchair. The details of what kind of chair is ultimately going to be best for him are still pending, and will become clearer once he begins cardiac rehab and consults with his doctors on follow-up care; in the meantime, his chair needed new wheels and brakes and a whole slew of fixes, which your support has made possible. I will keep you all posted on the  wheelchair project, and please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions about the fund's use. If you would like to contribute to the fund via Paypal, please visit http://tinyurl.com/samrudraswartz. Checks can be sent to the address below.

Anyone who would like to bring food to Stuart & Joe's house is encouraged to contact Joe Sieger. Contact leah for the contact info.

Cards and other expressions of support can be sent to Sam Rudra at:

Sam Swartz

PO Box 14684

San Francisco, CA 94114

Once again, on behalf of Sam Rudra, thank you for your support and many kindnesses during this crazy week, and hope you and your loved ones have a beautiful day. 

Warmly,

Leah Muse-Orlinoff

Sefirot Circles

היום שנים ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ויום אחד לעמר
Today is twenty-two days, which is three weeks and one day, of the omer
חסד שבנצח
A day of loving kindness in a week of perseverance

Ein Sof and the Ten Sefirot
David Friedman
www.kosmic-kabbalah.com

I love this image of the Sefirot as concentric circles. There is much depth, and the feeling of infinity. There's movement to the center of the round, as well as a flowing outward, making a continuous tube of the Sefirot. The container for this tube is the white  אינ סוף - the Ein Sof, that without end.

This is how I'm beginning to see my spiritual center. For the past ten years, that center was housed in a very concrete place that held the framework of my rituals. My teacher also resided there, bringing deep meaning to the structure of the practice.

That building is still there, helping me maintain the practice. The community contained within will still be there, I hope, to support the practice. But my spiritual center must live within me, moving to the center of my personal circle. And I must travel out through the tube of Sefirot, the tube of life, to find nourishment for my soul, and to help feed others.