The I and Thou Relationship

 היום תשעה עשר יום, שהם שני שבועות וחמשה ימים, בעמר
Today is nineteen days, which is two weeks and five days, of the omer
הוד שבתפארת
A day of humility in a week of compassion

About 15 years ago, during one of the Makor Or practice periods, Norman Fischer gave a course on Martin Buber's 'I and Thou." I had tried to read the book before this, but could never break through with any understanding. Studying the book with Norman broke those barrriers. I saw the I-Thou relationship as the merging of a person's outward focus and inner being.

In my work as a video editor, when asked how I knew where and how to make the cuts, I would often answer that the material "told me" what to do. I realized that was a form of the I-Thou relationship. I integrate with the footage, go where the pictures and sound take me.

Now, as I immerse myself in Jewish liturgy, I feel that same cohesion. I take in the prayers and psalms of my tradition putting out those words on paper in different forms and in different ways, allowing others to experience the ancient prayers and psalms, integrating it with their world today.

Looking for compassion

היום אחד תשעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות וחמשה ימים בעמר
Today is nineteen days, which is two weeks and five days of the omer
הוד שבתפארת
A day of humility in a week of compassion

Along with the omer, there is another period of contemplation built into the Jewish spiritual calendar--the month of Elul. Elul is the month before Tishrei--which marks Rosh Hashanah, the head of the year. It is a time that is to be spent concentrating, meditating on a personal teshuvah--often translated as repentance, but it has the connotation of a turning, a returning to a state of understanding where repentance is not necessary.

I have spent more than a couple Elul periods working on finding a teshuvah from my tendency to be judgmental--sometimes of others but more often of myself. I will need to be aware of this element of my personality, be mindful all my life to keep from allowing that negativity to rule my emotions and my connections to others. I am forever grateful to my teacher, Zoketsu Norman Fischer, who gave me the key that can turn my judgmental inclination into compassion.

In a teaching that Norman gave on teshuvah, he talked about the turning in a very literal manner. Take that aspect that you are working on and turn it around--look what is on the other side. What you find will show a different path, a way to redemption.

I found compassion on the flip side of being judgmental. Hidden within the judgments is caring. For if I didn't care, there would be no reason to judge. And when I concentrate on the caring instead of the judgment, I find compassion.

From Judgement to Compassion

היום חמשה עשר יום שהם שני שבעות ויום אחד לעומר
Today is fifteen days, which is two weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבתגארת
A day of loving kindness in a week of compassion

At services yesterday, I spoke about how the kabbalists viewed Rosh Chodesh, the start of each month, as a chance for renewal. We start with the darkness of the new moon which then grows to fullness. It's a good time to take a breath, and have a brief moment of teshuvah.

I grapple with the judgemental side of my personality. I am very hard on myself; if I'm going to do something, I'd better do it right -- whatever that means. That attitude can seep into my observations of what others are doing--or not doing, as the case may be. And when my thinking goes in that direction, I become unaware of other aspects of what is happening that need to be taken into account.

In the early years of my Makor Or practice I spent a lot of my contemplative time looking at my judgemental tendencies. Then in a Elul teaching session,  Norman talked about looking at teshuvah not as repentance, as it is often translated, but as a returning--closer to its meaning. Keep turning around whatever it is you are concentrating on and see what is on the other side.

It was when I looked at the other side of my judgement attitudes, I saw compassion. For if I didn't care, there would be nothing to be judgemental about. So if, when I'm feeling those judgemental thoughts inch up on me, I can focus on the why do I care, I might be able to find the compassion that lives on the other side. And if I can look at what is happening through the lens of that compassion, I can find a clearer way to help what ever the situation may be--it may be to help others, it may just help myself. It may be that I find a way to solve an issue; it may be I find a way to let an issue go. Either way would bring loving kindness into the mix.

Shabbat Shalom

היום תשעה ושלשים יום שהם חמשה שבועות וארבעה ימים לעמר
Today is thirty-nine days, which is five weeks and four days, of the omer
נצח שביסוד
A day of perseverance in a week of foundation

On this Shabbat of foundation I share with you Psalm 92 - the psalm of Shabbat - as interpreted by one of my teachers, Norman Fischer, from Opening to You:

It is good to thank you, good to pronounce your unsayable name
With morning's light to remember your kindness
With night's sky to think of your faithful heart
To sing of it with music of the ten-stringed instrument
With the psaltery, with the harp 

Because you are at work in what is I rejoice
And the physical world your hands have made
Animates in my body your preciousness 

Everything you have made firm is very great
Everything you have coaxed into thought profound
And only someone humane know this, a fool cannot see it 

When the crooked spring up like weeds
When he heedless like grass seem to flourish
It is only so that they may be mowed down 

But you
Who do not rise up
And cannot be mowed down
Uplift
What opposed you
And it falls and withers
Scatters and is cast away 

Knowing this
My resolve is strengthened
Like ram's horn freshly anointed it glistens
So that my eyes see clearly the greed of those who envy
And my ears hear patiently the confused cacophony of the world 

Those who go in accord with you grow fresh as palm trees
Grow tall as the cedars of Lebanon
For they are planted in your house, their leaves rustle in your courtyards
Even in old age they'll flourish, vigorous and covered with foliage
Emblems of your uprightness, your rocklike steadfastness
Sealed and without a crack

שבת שלום

Shabbat Shalom

Invisible, Intangible

היום אחד עשר יום שהם שבוע אחד וארבעה יומים לעמר

Today is the eleven days, which is one week and four days, of the omer

נצח שבגבורה

A day of perseverance in a week of strength

A couple of days ago I mentioned that I teach Torah to 7th graders. We start each class with a short period of meditation. While I teach them the breath centered practice I learnt from Rabbi Lew and Norman Fisher, I will often give them something to think about while they sit quietly. Staying silent is not easy for 12-year-olds, they need help with focus, and "watching" their breathe is too hard a concept for many of them to grasp at this point in their development.

I start with the basic instructions--sit up, towards the front of the chair; plant your feet on the ground; place your open hands palm down on your thighs or on the table; again, sit up with your shoulders back. I tell them that meditation is simply about being in the present moment--not thinking about what happened in school earlier today or about that soccer game tomorrow--just be here...now. And then we breathe. Of course there's some giggling--as I said, the silence is hard for them. But each week they have a little more comfort with the practice, and a couple have come into the classroom, eagerly asking, "Are we going to meditate today?"

I end the quiet time--which is usually only a minute or so--with a poem, and then we recite the blessing for studying Torah. I try to read something that has a relationship to what we will study that evening. This week, as a prelude to our discussion about God, I read this poem by Ruth Brin, z"l, that is a favorite of mine. They seemed to feel the beauty of it--I hope you do too.

All the invisible things fill our days,

Music and love and laughter;

All the intangible things affects us,

Words and anger and prejudice.

You are invisible and intangible,

A God of moods and relationships.

Within us, you are the spirit of unity.

Beyond us, You are the guide to greatness.

We pray to You with an invisible, intangible prayer.

You answer with a flaming sunset

And the touch of a baby's cheek.

Shabbat Shalom