Gladness, Joy, and Fear

Although I've been reading and studying Torah weekly for about 9 years, I often find verses that are new to me. That is part of the joy of studying Torah. I often hear something similar from Rabbi Lew, although for him it's more of a new way of thinking about the words rather than the words themselves.

I'm not as familiar with the Prophets (Nevi'im) and the Writings (Ketuvim) parts of the TaNaKh as I am with the Torah. When I read those sections there are large parts of the stories that are new to me. Megillat Esther, the section of Ketuvim that we read on Purim, falls into that category. Sure, I know the basic story from my childhood but the written tale has complexities that they never taught us in Hebrew school. As I found with the story of Hanukkah, there is a level of violence and bloodshed that is excluded from the children's version.

This year there was one verse that stood out as I was following the reading. It's the last verse in Chapter 8, verse 17:

"And in every province, and in every city, whithersoever the king's commandment and his decree came, the Jews had gladness and joy, a feast and a good day. And many from among the peoples of the land became Jews; for the fear of the Jews was fallen upon them."

When I heard and read that, I was particularly struck by the idea that people became Jews out of fear of otherwise being attacked. This fear was understandable, given the massacres that occurred when King Ahasuerus empowered the Jews to slaughter their enemies. It just seems like such a role reversal.

The history of the Jews in the Diaspora is filled with persecution. I'll never forget a comment of one of my classmates in Western Civilization 4A class at CCSF, which covers ancient times up to the Reformation. She said, "you know, when things aren't going well, they just blame the Jews. " Sad, but true. Throughout the ages we have been the ones in fear, constantly in exile, constantly in danger of annihilation. Many are the stories of Jews who had to hide their identity in order to survive.

Even Queen Esther had to hide her Judaism from the King. It was only through her courage and the courage of Mordechai that the tables were turned and our people were saved. And while we read about our triumph over our enemies and celebrate their downfall, we are also told to ". . . keep the fourteenth day of the month Adar, and the fifteenth day of the same, yearly, the days wherein the Jews had rest from their enemies, and the month which was turned unto them from sorrow to gladness, and from mourning into a good day; that they should make them days of feasting and gladness, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor." (Esther, Chapter 9:21,22) Even at our most joyful we must remember those less fortunate than us.

I'm not sure why the verse with "the fear of the Jews" strikes an uncomfortable chord with me. But it does, which means it is something to note and come back to in the years to come. It opens another opportunity to see what our ancient texts have to teach us in our modern world.

21st Century Esther

The Purim of my childhood was definitely a kid event. Okay, maybe because I was a kid at the time. But the Purim I remember was basically a Hebrew School event. I have a dim memory of some evening readings, but not with adults dressed up in costumes, only the kids. I certainly don't have any pictures in my mind of adults drinking in the sanctuary.

Since joining Beth Sholom in 2000, I have been able to celebrate Purim to the fullest, with the participation of both children and adults. This year was no exception. The only difference with years past is that since our building is under construction we joined with the two other Conservative congregations in San Francisco, Ner Tamid and B'nai Emunah, to make it a community event. But most of us--from the youngest to the oldest--were decked out in some semblance of a costume. And many of the adults were tasting different sorts of alcoholic beverages that were making the rounds. After all, the Talmud says you are supposed to drink until you can't tell the difference between "cursed is Haman" and "blessed is Mordechai."I will say, quite modestly of course, that my etrog infused vodka was particularly tasty this year. We had a costume parade accompanied by our very own community klezmer band, a Purim shpiel put on by the religious school students that was a hoot, and the reading of the Megillat Esther with the requisite noisemaking to drown out the name of the evil Haman.

At Beth Sholom we read the Megillah at morning minyan once again. It is important, since the tradition says that every Jew should hear the megillah read each year, and many either can't come in the evening or, like me, prefer to concentrate on the festivities rather than the story. We also chant Torah on Purim morning--the verses from Exodus in which the Israelites prevail against the attack of Amalek just after they cross the Red Sea (Ex17:8 - 15).

Although I was almost called into service this year, I have managed to get away with not yet learning the trope for Megillat Esther. I would much rather celebrate in the evening with no responsibilities. So for the morning service I volunteer to read Torah each year. The service itself is usually a low key affair--no costumes, although we still make noise to blot out Haman's name.

This morning, I decided to go in costume. There was something empowering for me to have "Queen Esther" read the Torah--in tefillin, no less. In many ways, I stood there for all the little Jewish girls who dress up like Esther on Purim--a most popular Purim costume for many generations past and one that I dare say will continue for generations to come. But when I was a young Esther there was no Torah reading for me. I wasn't counted in minyan or allowed an aliyah.

The girls and women of today can have that access to our traditions. I often wish it had happened sooner--my life path might have taken a very different route. But at least it happened soon enough for me to partake fully in the practice of Judaism, and to help the next generation of Jewish women to fully realize their spiritual potential within this rich tradition.

So to all the young Esthers out there, I say...

YOU GO, GIRL!!