Zichrono L'vracha - Joseph Salem

היום שנים ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות וארבעה ימים לעומר
Today is thirty-two days, which is four weeks and four days of the omer
נצח שבהוד
A day of perseverance in a week of humility

There are many joys involved in being a part of a multigenerational community, but along with that comes sharing in the sorrows. Today marked the burial of a wonderful man, Joe Salem, who passed away on Sunday at the age of 89. Joe was a loyal member of the Beth Sholom minyan community for many years. He was there when I began attending in November of 2000 until a couple of years ago when his Alzheimers kept him confined to a home. He had a loving family--his wife of 62 years, a daughter and 2 sons, 5 grandchildren who he adored.

Being a part of daily minyan meant he became part of our family as well. When his health began to fail and he could no longer drive, we organized rides for him so he could still attend. And for some years after that became untenable, his son brought him to this place that was a comfort to him--a place that, even with the onset of his dementia, he felt at peace and could still follow and participate in the rituals. A strong, elegant yet quiet man, he had a wonderful sense of humor that would manifest in one line zingers that would make us all smile.

Zichrono l'vracha -- his memory is a blessing to his families--those related by blood as well as those related by community. We all hold him in our hearts.

One for the Ages.....

היום אחד ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות ושלשה ימים לעומר
Today is thirty-one days, which is four weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבהוד
A day of compassion in a week of humility

Maurice Sendak may be gone in body, but his spirit will live forever in his books. They will be read and read and read again by children and adults for years, decades, I dare say maybe centuries to come. He is one for the ages....

In The Night Kitchen was the first book of his I read, and remains one of my favorites.

Still Crazy After All These Years....

היום שלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות ושני ימים לעימר

Today is thirty days, which is four weeks and two days of the omer

גבורה שבהוד

A day of strength in a week of humility

On Friday, I wrote about reconnecting with my college roommate--and today, our first meeting in over 30 years took place. And while we had huge gaps in our lives that we had to catch up with, the comfort level of being with Elaine was amazing. We may have journeyed away for each other, but there is a psychic energy that must have kept us close, although we didn't know it :)

There are communities and friendships that you need to leave behind. Sometimes following a fork in the road of life brings separation. But then there is a time when the paths converge, for whatever reason, and you get to rediscover a friendship that is worth keeping.

The practice of learning Hebrew

היום תשעה ועשרים יום שהם ארבעה שהבועות ויום אחד לעומר
Today is twenty-nine days, which is four weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבהוד
A day of loving kindness in a week of humility

I just got back from Hebrew class--a definite lesson in humility for a type A personality who is used to being the smart girl in class. I need to let in some loving kindness for myself to fight the frustration. Now in my third year of studying with Anat Wolins of Yad Moshe, there is more light coming in that when I first started. I'm getting better and better at writing, and can express myself in essays without constantly going to the dictionary. The speaking is still difficult. I am often among Israelis, and yet will not let on that I know enough Hebrew to converse--it's just too stressful. But I can read with more comprehension than ever before, which is what is important to me. And the speaking will come...I just need to be patient, and treat learning Hebrew like the rest of my practices---day by day, it will come.

Mah Jongg Circles

היום שמונה ועשרים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות לעומר
Today is twenty-eight days, which is four weeks of the omer
מלכות שבנצח
A day of majesty in a week of perseverance

I end this week with mah jongg--a community that has both interior and exterior circle on the Venn diagram of my life. The inner circles are the 3 different groups I play with. The circles don't intersect, but they are all nested two other circles.

One is my Jewish circle. I was invited to play mah jongg because I was New York Jew who liked to play games--I was a good fit for the group. And it just so happens that all the women I play with are Jewish.

The other is the circle that holds anyone who plays National Mah Jongg League mah jongg. No matter how different a person may be from me, this is a bond we will have, an identity we share as a mah jongg player.

These circles epitomize how communities are our connections to the world. Our lives are local and global. But if we can teach our children the importance of being a part of different communities, to foster these local and global connections, the next generations will be better prepared to work together. They will know to look at all the intersections of their Venn Diagrams, and use those common points to build a foundation of peace.

Reconnecting

היום שבעה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וששה ימים לעומר
Today is twenty-seven days, which is three weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבנצח
A day of foundation in a week of perseverance

I had such plans for my post today, but time just slipped away. But the count waits for no one, and so I'll just punt :)

I know people who rant and rave about the evils of Facebook. To those, I say--so don't participate. I happen to have a good relationship with Facebook. I don't give a lot of information about myself, so I'm a little harder for people to find--although I am visible. I haven't had to unfriend anyone, although I do hide some people's posts--too much Farmville, and you're gone.

But there are so many nice side to being on Facebook. I do get to keep in daily touch with people, both near and far, who I don't see often. I get to be a part of their lives--share in their happy times, support them when things are not going well.

And then there's what happened this week. I was able to connect with my college roommate, Elaine, who I haven't been in contact with for more than 30 years. It's been a joyous reunion so far and the kicker is, although she lives in New York, at this moment she happens to be in San Francisco visiting her son who lives here. Amazing. We're hoping to meet up on Monday. Another circle added to the Venn diagram of my life :)

Got Balz? Coming of Age with baseball, bagels, and mambo

היום ששה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וחמשה ימים לעומר
Today is twenty-six days, which is three weeks and five days of the omer
הוד שבנצח
A day of humility in a week of perseverance

I have a curriculum called "The Kabbalah of Jewish Identity" that I use in my class of 7th & 8th graders. It will come as no surprise that I created this during last year's omer period :) I use the bottom seven sephirot--the same ones we use to count the omer--as a hook to discuss different aspects of what it means to be a Jew. For humility, I first give them each two cards which the rabbis (which ones depends on who you ask :) say you should always have with you--one saying "For my sake, the world was created"; the other saying "I am but dust and ashes" The they learn about Hank Greenberg and Sandy Kofax--two Hall of Fame baseball players who faced the decision of whether or not to play in the World Series on Yom Kippur. Although neither one was an observant Jew, they opted not to play. They knew how important it was to the American Jewish community that they were a part of to honor that ritual. As big as they were in their professions, as important a moment they were facing--they understood the humility of being a part of something bigger.

Once again, the venn diagram aspect of my communities comes into play. On the day of humility where I get to intersect my Jewish world and my baseball world, my friend and video/film worlds join the overlap. My friends Marcia Jarmel & Ken Schneider, award-winning filmmakers who I met because of my video profession, are finishing a film made with their son Micah documenting his bar mitzvah project of bringing baseball gear to teens in Cuba. The Cuba connection is not just one of need, but a place that is a part of Micah's grandfather's Holocaust rescue story. And it is not just a coming of age story, not just a Holocaust survival story, but it is a story that can reach our youth about their Jewish identity. But rather than me tell you about it, watch the video below.





The film is almost done, but there is still finishing work to be done so this piece can go out into the world. I know I will be using this in my classroom, sharing this bar mitzvah story with the b'nei mitzvah of the future. Please click here for more information and share this with anyone you think may be interested.

Persevering through the count, Halfway there...

היום חמשה ועשרים יום לעומר שהם שלשה שבועות וארבעה ימים לעומר

Today is twenty-five days, which is three weeks and four days of the omer

נצח שבנצח

A day of perseverance in a week of perseverance

Earlier in the count I noted that it never occurred to me until this year that Yom HaZikaron - the memorial day for all those who died defending Israel's right to exist in peace - always falls on the 18th day of the omer-- a day of הי – of life. Today I noticed that today, the 25th day of the omer, the day we cross into the second half of the omer period, is a day of double perseverance.

That does seem significant, for it's about this time that keeping the count gets harder, the writing practice begins to feel a bit tedious--do I really need to keep this up every day. But yes, I do. Even as I feel the writing is not so compelling, that I have little to say, that I'm just writing for the sake of writing. But that's what practice is about -- any practice. And keeping the count and the posts reminds me of that.

I remember talking to Rabbi Lew about my meditation practice--it just wasn't working for me, and felt flat. He said that's the most important time to keep going, for when the meaning returns, it will be deeper.

And so, I continue.....

And in the vein of community being the theme of this perseverance week, I share two quotes that I have been sharing with my students these days.

A Jew cannot be a Jew on his(her) own.
A Jew needs to be part of a community
   -- Elie Wiesel 

If I am not for myself who will be for me?
If I am only for myself, what am I?
If not now, when?
    --Rabbi Hillel, Pirkei Avot 1:14

What kind of community are we?

היום ארבעה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ושלשה ימים לעומר
Today is twenty-four days, which is three weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבנצח
A day of compassion in a week of perseverance

Some communities are transient -- they exist in a particular time and space-and then they're gone.
Some communities have longevity -- there is a collective memory that links the generations.
People cycle in and out
Some leaders, some followers, some just along for the ride
At best--we support each other
At worst--we keep "the other" down
Communities can harm
Communities can heal
How do we focus on the best we can do
And learn to leave the worst behind

Venn Diagram Communities

היום שלשה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ושני ימים לעומר
Today is twenty-three days, which is three weeks and two days of the omer
גבורה שבנצח
A day of strength in a week of perseverance

Myself and a couple of fellow "Torah Geeks" were processing the mind provoking teaching by Aviva Zornbert at the UC Berkeley Graduate Theological Union this morning when a woman came up to join our little group. She remarked not only on the wonderful talk, but how she saw friends from the varied Jewish East Bay communities, from different Jewish strata of her life. She described it as a human venn diagram.



What a great description of how our communities have common points, even as they are separated by time or place or political persuasion :) Like the venn diagram, there are many different meeting points. Recently, a friend of mine from NY who I met working at NBC connected me with a friend of hers who is coordinating a program at Stanford that gives interested teens a chance to work with programmers to create a video game. Maybe one of my students would be interested. I immediately thought of a bat mitzvah who is really smart AND a total computer geek. Her idea of a fun summer is getting into a John Hopkins program so she can learn all sorts of code. Not only is she my student, but I've been close with her family for years now--plus her father's grandparents came from the same small town in Eastern Europe as mine. I connected her parents with my friend's friend and, voila---we had a happy girl who not only created a game but now wants to go to Stanford!

And then there's the friend of mine who I met through an online game that we participate in but who also, we found out as we conversed, worked at NBC Sports at one point and we knew some people in common. His sister lives in San Francisco and I see him when he visits. He's not Jewish but his sister is--she converted when she married. Sadly, her husband passed away recently. I went to make a shiva visit and bring a kugel. She used to work for Jewish Vocational Services and has been involved in other various Jewish communities. Of course, we found many people we had in common--people who would assume we knew each other through Jewish connections, not from her brother. But connected we were, and there I was to help comfort her in a time of need.

Yesterday I made the point that communities are a modern version of the tribal cultural structure. But I think the opportunity for intersection is something that is particular to our time, and only increasing with the growing connectivity that we are getting from technology.

Our world is really getting closer--whether we like it or not. Being able to reach out to those, not only in our immediate communities but those who are linked and relinked to those around us can, perhaps, bring a strength in the world.

Community

היום שנים ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ויום אחד לעומר
Today is twenty-two days, which is three weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבנצח
A day of loving kindness in a week of perseverance.

I'm planning to spend this week of perseverance looking at different aspects of being a part of different communities. I think that living in spheres of community is this century's version of tribal culture. It is where we get needed support, even as we sometimes have to also accept unwanted advice :)  It is where we find our extended family, and get to reach out to both young and old. It can also be a place of unfair hierarchies and fights for control. To borrow from Dickens--it can be the best of times and the worst of times.

But like with family, when you are invested in a community you don't just abandon it when times are tough. You may have to separate in some way, but while ties may loosen, it takes a lot to get to a breaking point. And sometimes, instead of snapping the bonds, you get to rearrange the strands into a configuration that has the potential to keep the best of all worlds while still moving forward.

Those are the thoughts that will underlie my posts this week. As I delve into these subjects, I'm open to any words of wisdom anyone would like to add--so stay tuned.

Room Transformation

היום אחד ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות לעומר
Today is twenty-one days, which is three weeks of the omer
מלכות שבתפארת
A day of majesty in a week of compassion

What a difference new furniture can make! Where once there were a bulky green leather couch and an large matching chair we now have a more streamlined, open-ended charcoal couch with two round light brown swivel chairs.

I like the couch, but the chairs are my favorite. I love the curve of the back with the short arms, leaving room for my elbows when I crochet, or my guitar when I play.

We're going to live with them for a while before we make a commitment to any tables :)

Teaching - Reaching them all

היום עשרים יום שהם שני שבועות וששה ימים לעומר

Today is twenty days, which is two weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבתפארת
A day of foundation in a week of compassion

I recently subscribed to The Accidental Talmudist on Facebook. In this time between Pesach and Shavuot, he is following the custom of studying the Pirkei Avot - The Words of our Sages, and sharing some of his perspectives with us.

Today's offering came it just as I was making notes for next year's curriculum. And how timely it is, as it serves as a reminder to keep the different ways students learn in mind as I develop my methods of teaching.

There are four types among those who sit before the Sages:
the sponge, the funnel, the strainer and the sieve.

The sponge absorbs all. The funnel takes in at one end and lets it out the other. The strainer rejects the wine and retains the sediment. The sieve rejects the coarse flour and retains the fine flour.
                                           Pirkei Avot 5:15

While I'm far from a sage, I do see these four types--and more--in my classes. The challenge is to find a common ground to which they can each contribute in their own way.

I have a feeling this will be a life-long quest . . . . . . . :)

Yom HaAztmaut -- with sadness.....

היום תשעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות וחמשה ימים לעומר
Today is nineteen days, which is two weeks and five days of the omer
הוד שבתפארת
A day of humility in a week of compassion

Today is Yom HaAztmaut - the 64th anniversary of the formation of Modern Israel.

In my youth, I marched in parades in NYC to celebrate this day. Israel was so important to me. Growing up in the shadow of the Shoah, it meant a lot to know that I had a place I belonged, a place where someone could not tell me to leave--a place I was not an "other." In 1968 when George Wallace was running for president, I remember clearly feeling that if he won, I would move to Israel.  I was not going to sit still and wait for the next version of overwhelming anti-semitism. I was going to where I could freely live as a Jew.

But sadly, I no longer feel that Israel is a place where I can freely live as a Jew. And even more sadly, it's because my engagement with Judaism is now deeper. When I was a girl, much of the primary Jewish ritual was inaccessible to me, purely because of my gender. I was no rebel in this regard, pretty much just accepted the strictures that were in place--although I really wanted an aliyah :)  I was in an environment where boys and girls were treated equally in the realm of Jewish learning, and that worked for me. I never felt inferior--there were just things that were not mine to do. And, for whatever reasons, I did not question that.

In the late 70s and 80s, living on my own in Manhattan, I was unconcerned with my Judaism. It's easy to be Jewish in New York. With my family close, living in a place where Jewish life is woven into the culture of the area, I could check in and out as I wanted. It was always there for me.

When I moved to San Francisco in 1986 I had to find a relationship with Judaism that generated from me, not from outside sources. There was no family close where I could share holidays and I was unaware and unconnected with the Jewish scene here. I began my own Jewish traditions which I shared with my friends--Channukah Football Sunday; leading a user-friendly seder for 50 on a video stage. I also discovered the new wealth of Jewish feminist writings. Although she is a half a generation ahead of me, Letty Cottin Pogrebin's "Deborah, Golda, and Me" really spoke to me. One story she tells that has stuck with me centers around when she attended the United Nation's Women's Conference in Copenhagen in 1980. It was there that she experienced anti-semitism in the name of "anti-Zionism." Ten years later, she writes:

"I wondered why Jewish women are applauded by the Women's Movement when we trudge through Judaic subcultures ruffling beards with our feminist demands, but not when we bring Jewish consciousness back the other way into feminism; or why we are cheered when we critique the Bible for its anti-woman bias, but not when we criticize feminists for their anti-Jewish jokes. . . Must we identify as Jews within feminism with as much discomfort as we identify as feminists within Judaism?"

It's now twenty years after that was written, and there's still a discomfort with women who take on traditionally male rituals in Jewish practice. Yes, I know, not everywhere...with acceptance growing and growing. A full discussion of this is not what this post is about. But even as there are many places in US where I feel free and comfortable in my egalitarian practice, Israel remains a real problem. Walking around with the marks from my tefillin on my arm can be dangerous; I cannot wear my tallit at the Kotel; carrying a Torah, for me, is an arrestable offense.

I am so glad there is an Israel, a Jewish state from which we cannot be exiled. But once I felt it was my home---now, I feel I don't belong.


Her crime--carrying a Torah.
Notice the women wearing their tallitot as scarves--the only way they are allowed without being taken away.....

Remembering the fallen . . .

היום שמונה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות וארבעה ימים לעומר
Today is eighteen days, which is two weeks and four days of the omer
נצח שבתפארת
A day of perseverance in a week of compassion

This eighteenth day of the omer, this day of חי -- of life, is also Yom HaZikaron, a day of remembrance for the Israeli soldiers who have, as Amichai Lau-Lavi puts it ". . . fallen for peace in Israel."

In this country, we've made Memorial Day a three-day weekend celebration of summer--going to the beach, taking advantage of sales. Most have forgotten the meaning of the day--the who, what, and why of what we are commemorating.

In Israel, there is no forgetting---everyone takes the time to remember.....

A Double Dose of Tiferet

היום שבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות ושלשה ימים לעומר
Today is seventeen days which is two weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבתפארת
A day of compassion in a week of compassion

Of all the sephirot, I'm feeling Tiferet - what I'm choosing to translate as compassion - the most deeply this year.

I feel it personally, realizing I need to cultivate a path of compassion for myself in order to keep moving forward in my life.

I feel it professionally, especially when I teach--understanding that compassion for my students brings me the opening I need to reach them.

And I feel, more and more, that compassion is something that is being lost in the world today--something we must reclaim. For with compassion comes understanding. And it's only through understanding that we can have peace.

כן יהי רצון

May it be so

Open Handed Strength

היום ששה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות ושני ימים לעומר
Today is sixteen days which is two weeks and two days of the omer
גבורה שבתפארת
A day of strength in a week of compassion

Ten years ago as I was going through chemotherapy, I wrote a fair amount about strength and what it means to gain as well as give strength. I looked at strength "...with an open palm, not a closed fist -- of the strength in receptivity, of acceptance."

I also concentrated on being present--that is something that weaves in and out of all my journal entries from that time. Cancer treatment or not, I was participating in a 9 month meditation practice period at Makor Or. That in itself brought its own strength.

Strength in open-handed strength
Using judgement to lead to non-judgement
      Just what is.
Using power to take what is
To what the next is
     Will be.....

From Judgement to Compassion

היום חמשה עשר יום שהם שני שבעות ויום אחד לעומר
Today is fifteen days, which is two weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבתגארת
A day of loving kindness in a week of compassion

At services yesterday, I spoke about how the kabbalists viewed Rosh Chodesh, the start of each month, as a chance for renewal. We start with the darkness of the new moon which then grows to fullness. It's a good time to take a breath, and have a brief moment of teshuvah.

I grapple with the judgemental side of my personality. I am very hard on myself; if I'm going to do something, I'd better do it right -- whatever that means. That attitude can seep into my observations of what others are doing--or not doing, as the case may be. And when my thinking goes in that direction, I become unaware of other aspects of what is happening that need to be taken into account.

In the early years of my Makor Or practice I spent a lot of my contemplative time looking at my judgemental tendencies. Then in a Elul teaching session,  Norman talked about looking at teshuvah not as repentance, as it is often translated, but as a returning--closer to its meaning. Keep turning around whatever it is you are concentrating on and see what is on the other side.

It was when I looked at the other side of my judgement attitudes, I saw compassion. For if I didn't care, there would be nothing to be judgemental about. So if, when I'm feeling those judgemental thoughts inch up on me, I can focus on the why do I care, I might be able to find the compassion that lives on the other side. And if I can look at what is happening through the lens of that compassion, I can find a clearer way to help what ever the situation may be--it may be to help others, it may just help myself. It may be that I find a way to solve an issue; it may be I find a way to let an issue go. Either way would bring loving kindness into the mix.

Two Threads of My Life....

היום ארבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות לעומר
Today is fourteen days, which is two weeks of the omer
מלכות שבגבורה
A day of majesty in a week of strength

My soul's ties to Judaism has two main threads that converge and join with modern influences to inform my practice and, in many ways, my life.

I definitely feel the call of the ancient. I can't remember a time when I couldn't read Hebrew or say the Shema--it was just a natural progression. On my road back to Jewish practice, as I chanted Torah and participated in Shabbat and weekday prayers along the way, the flow of the Hebrew language made a deep connection. And as I delve deeper and deeper into text study of the ancient scriptures, I also find a connection to those people, my people, my tribe. And from that tie also comes a link to the Middle East--a tie that, quite frankly, can bring pain right now. But as a Jew I do feel a tie to the culture of that region, with roots in the same ancient times as so many others.

In my mind, there's little doubt where my tribe ended up when forced out into the wider world. My ancestors did not go south, for I am Ashkenazic to the core--no DNA test necessary :) With Romanian on mom's side, there might be some gypsy influence, but the Galitziana in me from the Sniatyners on my dad's side is strong. Ken looks at family photos taken around 100 years ago, points at a little girl and says, "that could be you."

When it comes to the importance of Jewish ritual in my life--many rituals which stem from the Ashkenazic line--the tie gets complicated by my gender. For years I identified with the yeshiva buchers--boys. I wasn't happy with the identification, but it was the closest I could get. But as I've learned more Jewish history during the years, I have now found my place in those early years. I was in the women's section of the synagogue, leading them in prayer, sharing the Torah parsha with them.

Now, my identity as a New York Jew in San Francisco....well, that's the topic for another post :)

From the Bulletin Board....

היום שלשה עשר יום שהם אחד שבוע וששה ימים לעומר
Today is thirteen days, which is one week and six days of the omer
יסוד שבגבורה
A day of foundation in a week of strength

Here's the view of my bulletin board--my personal board, not the one I use for work. Part visual montage, part ticket/coupon holder, part writing idea board. If you click on the photo you will get a larger version.

Maybe one day I'll give a guided tour of the contents, explaining some of the items that may seem a bit odd, or out of place for me. You've got to love the vintage "End Unwanted Seismic Activity" bumper sticker--a Charlie Varon original.

Those white squares of paper contain thought fragments that might make it to a blog post--I capture any ideas that come. I will say they often just stay up on the board for a couple of years before being tossed--not all ideas are good ideas :)


There's a page ripped out of an old datebook that also served as a notebook. This page has three quotes. I don't know when I wrote them down--my guess is the mid 1990s. This is before yoga, before meditation, before cancer, before regular Jewish practice. But I can see the seeds of the need to write, to shed the "no, I can't" and just start letting the words out. I guess you could say this blog is the fruit from those roots. Not a bad representation of foundation with strength.

Work done with anxiety about results
is far inferior to work done without such anxiety,
in the calm of self-surrender.
                       Bhagavad Gita

An artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perception,
and on his own terms, not anyone else's.
                      J.D. Salinger, "Franny & Zooey" 

Would you not like to try all sorts of lives--one is so very small--but that is
the satisfaction of writing--one can impersonate so many people.
                     Katherine Mansfield, 1906