Balancing Compassion and Judgement

היום שלשה ימים בעמר
Today is three days of the omer
תפארת שבחסד
A day of compassion in a week of loving kindness


Finding compassion is a theme in my life. It's been a focus for me since the realization that it is the antidote to being judgmental. But I must remember to have some chesed, some kindness for myself when the compassion/judgement balance lists too far into judgement. It's a family trait that has been so ingrained in me that it takes a lot of effort to combat. As long as I keep fighting, and keep the awareness even in times when things get out of control, I can keep moving forward.

Torah, then to now

היום שמונה ושלשים יום, שהם חמשה שבועות ושלשה ימים, בעמר
Today is thirty-eight days, which is five weeks and three days, of the omer
תגארת שביסוד
A day of compassion in a week of foundation

I think studying Torah is more important than ever during these days of turmoil in our country.

On Monday I had a discussion with a student about the discontent that came from the Israelites the moment they crossed the Red Sea, finally free from hundreds of years of oppressive servitude in Egypt. They so easily lose faith in the power that brought them freedom, with no faith in themselves. They immediately complain, "If only we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the fleshpots, when we ate our fill of bread! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to starve this whole congregation to death." - Ex 16:3.

While the Israelites could be vilified for not looking at the events that just past; not realizing how far they had come; not appreciating the hope that lies ahead; rewriting their history to make the oppression under the Egyptians as an ideal--let's have some compassion for the perspective that they have, created by those hundreds of years of servitude. Looking at the situation through their eyes can bring some understanding of their reality, a place from which to find understanding of their actions.

Then it was time to bring this story to our world today. My teaching to my student was that we can't just dismiss people's perspectives, even as we don't agree. We need to listen and, more importantly, really hear through their ears, so we can find a way to civil dialogue and a find a way to move from conflict to understanding. Something very hard these days, but very necessary.

I need to find the hope that compassion can strengthen the foundation of our country and our lives.

Compassion in Aging

 היום שבעה עשר יום, שהם שני שבועות ושלשה ימים, בעמר
Today is seventeen days, which is two weeks and three days, of the omer
תפארת שבתפארת
A day of compassion in a week of compassion

As a person in my sixties with parents in their nineties, the flow of aging is often on my mind. I cannot know what it is like for my parents to face their final years, I can just support them on their journey in the time they have.

I do have some control over how I navigate the inevitable aging process -- physically, mentally, spiritually. To help me forge that path, I'm reading Zalman Schachter-Shalomi's From Age-ing to Sage-ing. It is there that I found this quote from Abraham Joshua Heschel that holds a key:

"One ought to enter old age the way one enters the senior year at a university, in exciting anticipation of consummation. The years of old age may enable us to attain the high values we failed to sense, the insights we have missed, the wisdom we ignored. They are indeed formative years, rich in possibilities to unlearn the follies of a lifetime, to see through inbred self-deceptions, to deepen understanding and compassion, to widen the horizon of honesty, to refine the sense of fairness."

כן יהי רצון   May it be so

From Compassion comes Understanding

 היום ששה עשר יום, שהם שני שבועות ושני ימים, בעמר
Today is sixteen days, which is two weeks and two days, of the omer
גבורה שבתפארת
A day of strength in a week of compassion

Compassion is a powerful  force.

Last week I wrote about compassion as an antidote to being judgmental. But compassion's strength goes far beyond that. Looking at life through the lens of compassion removes the ego that can cloud the view. Acting from a place of compassion brings the ability to truly make a difference as the focus is on what is needed, not what you want to make happen.

The strength of compassion is in the flow of understanding it brings.

Learning to be patient

היום שלשה ימים בעמר
Today is three days of the omer
תפארת שבחסד
A day of compassion in a week of loving kindness

On this day of a convergence of compassion and loving kindness, I wonder about the difference between them. They are similar intentions, so why did the kabbalists feel the need to include both?

I think, perhaps, that loving kindness is the emotion, compassion is the action. Loving kindness is a feeling that sparks movement, a cultivator, within and without. Compassion is a movement that effects all aspects of life.

I recently found that compassion can bring patience, a virtue I have problems maintaining. Using a lens of compassion when dealing with difficult people and issues, looking to difficulties those people and circumstances are dealing with, can abate anger and annoyance. It may or may not bring me to a place of loving kindness, but it's a step towards understanding.