Blocked

 היום ארבעה וארבעים יום שהם ששה שבועות ושני ימים לעמר
Today is forty-four days, which is six weeks and two days, of the omer
גבורה שבמלכות
A day of strength in a week of majesty

It's time to start thinking what I've gleaned from this year's omer practice.

One thing I've learned is to separate my Facebook count from these blog posts. The count is easy--just sign on and type the information in my status. Doing that, I can keep the base ritual by counting each night, since the start of a day in the Hebrew calendar is at sundown.

The blog posts are more of a commitment and sometimes, neither the time nor the inspiration are there. I can push these into the next day. But still, sometimes, my mind is a blank. Even with the post-it of writing ideas on my bulletin board, the words don't make it to the screen. I fill a post with words from others, or just note the difficulty and move on--an entry is an entry no matter what it says. But I won't put many of those on Facebook--no need to share my writer's block.

Hopefully, I'll be more inspired on my next post.

Loooking for lessons in the Kosher Nation

היום שלשה וארבעים יום שהם ששה שבועות ויום אחד לעמר
Today is forty-three days, which is six weeks and one day, of the omer
חסד שבמלכות
A day of loving-kindness in a week of majesty

Today I received my copy of Kosher Nation: Why More and More of America's Food Answers to a Higher Authority by Sue Fishkoff. It will be the next book in line for me to read. Friends have given it good reviews. But more importantly, I hope it gives me some ideas on how to teach the concept of kashrut to my students next year.

I teach in a Reform synagogue where the laws of kashrut are no longer followed. However, the students often bring up the subject. They are curious about the what and why's of the practice.

I need to be careful how I teach this--after all, it is not part of the culture of their synagogue and unlikely a part of their home life. When it comes up, I talk about mindful eating--being aware of what is in the food, where is comes from, how it gets to the plate. I show them the animated G-dcast for Shemini which gives the kashrut laws in song. I point out that the verses following the laws talk about each of us being holy--a kind of "you are what you eat."

But I'm hoping this book will enable me to bring in a worldly relationship to kashrut that would be in line with the philosophy of the Reform movement while letting me be true to the mitzvah aspect.

I'll post my own review when I'm done and let you know :)

Step by Step

היום שנים  וארבעים יום שהם ששה שבועת לעמר
Today is forty-two days, which is six weeks, of the omer
מאלכות שביסוד
A day of majesty in a week of foundation

It was four weeks ago that I wrote about looking for balance in my life. I ended that post, "Balancing Act," with the observation that sometimes you need to change the placement of the balancing point. As I mark this sixth week of the omer, I realize there has been a foundational shift in my Jewish ritual practice.

My avodah-my service time is in better balance with my prayer time. I've made a conscious effort to step back from many coordinating roles. I participate in and certainly help support my community, but my responsibilities need to be focused on my teaching and my editing work. I need to make my personal practice a priority over that of the communal practice. I have given too much avodah to the detriment of my spiritual well being. I need to recalibrate that ratio in order to better serve both myself and the community.

Five weeks ago I also focused on finding balance. It was the first day of malchut in the cycle, and I wrote:

I wonder whether malchut is the place where all the other attributes meld with each other--like the way all the colors together make white. I can feel it as the union of the other aspects, a reminder of the balance needed to hold them all.

That aspect of malchut has come to the forefront for me this year. I have used each of the attributes to inform my thinking as I've pondered my next directions. One foot in front of the other, I continue to find my way.

On Memorial Day, Remembrance of my Uncle Eddie is a blessing

היום אחד וחמשה יום שהם חמשה וששה ימים לעמר
Today is forty-one days, which is five weeks and six days, of the omer
יסוד שביסוד
A day of foundation in a week of foundation

This morning at minyan I commemorated the yarhzeit of my uncle Eddie. It is a tradition I started about five years ago. Eddie was a bombardier during World War two--one of those who did not make it home. Although I never met him, I feel a close tie to him and need to honor his memory--not just for me, not just for my dad, not just for my family. Each year I share these words with my community so we can remember the reason we mark this Memorial Day.

"Pa - so you thought I forgot your anniversary. Well, at least Ma stood by me. I'm glad you liked the card. . . I received a letter from Seymour on Tuesday and he tells me that he made P.F.C - You can't imagine what a kick I got out of hearing this. I went around and passed cigarettes to the boys just like a father passes out cigars when he gets a baby"

"You ask what's new with me. There is still nothing definite to tell you. We may as well not kid each other - when I finish my training here I will be due to go over. . . Please don't start worrying about me - there is still plenty of time for that. . . I'm not worried about anything except that you are worrying about me. This is a great experience for me and I'm sure I will benefit by it. Why, there must be a million fellows who would do anything to trade places with me and get on a B-29 crew"

Those words were written by my uncle, Lieutenant Edward Heiss, US Army Air Force, in letters to his parents in January and February, 1944. He signed off, as he did all his letters, with "I am feeling fine. So long. Lots of love, Eddie." One year later, on January 11, 1945, his B-29 fell to the ground in pieces somewhere over Malaysia. Of the eleven crew members, only three made it out alive---he was not one of those three.


When I was growing up, a colored version of this photo was on my grandmother's dresser. I was curious who it was, but somehow, never asked. I don't remember when or how I found out who he was. My father has given me bits and pieces through the years. I still don't know much, but I feel very connected to him. I have always wondered how my family's life would have been different if he had come home.


I wonder about this man--the one so often photographed with a smile. The one who, as my father tells it, convinced my dad to go with him to Yankee Stadium one Rosh Hashanah. The commanding officer of his squadron wrote my grandparents, "No matter how fatigued he may have been, or how he felt personally, Edward always had a laugh and a word of encouragement, to cheer the other members of his crew and squadron. . . He undoubtedly was one of the best liked officers in this organization."

My Uncle Eddie received a Purple Heart, posthumously.

I would have rather had him in my life.

On Memorial Day we need to remember that war, justified or not, will always take its toll.

Zichrono L'vracha
His remembrance is a blessing to my dad, to me, and to all with whom I share his story.

No words

היום ארבעים יום שהם חמשה שבועות וחמשה ימים לעמר
Today is forty days, which is five weeks and five days, of the omer
הוד שביסוד
A day of humility in a week of foundation

It's already late, and I'm at a loss for words. So I mark the day, and humbly realize that sometimes it's better to stay quiet when there's nothing to say. That, in itself, can be a place of foundation.

Shabbat Shalom

היום תשעה ושלשים יום שהם חמשה שבועות וארבעה ימים לעמר
Today is thirty-nine days, which is five weeks and four days, of the omer
נצח שביסוד
A day of perseverance in a week of foundation

On this Shabbat of foundation I share with you Psalm 92 - the psalm of Shabbat - as interpreted by one of my teachers, Norman Fischer, from Opening to You:

It is good to thank you, good to pronounce your unsayable name
With morning's light to remember your kindness
With night's sky to think of your faithful heart
To sing of it with music of the ten-stringed instrument
With the psaltery, with the harp 

Because you are at work in what is I rejoice
And the physical world your hands have made
Animates in my body your preciousness 

Everything you have made firm is very great
Everything you have coaxed into thought profound
And only someone humane know this, a fool cannot see it 

When the crooked spring up like weeds
When he heedless like grass seem to flourish
It is only so that they may be mowed down 

But you
Who do not rise up
And cannot be mowed down
Uplift
What opposed you
And it falls and withers
Scatters and is cast away 

Knowing this
My resolve is strengthened
Like ram's horn freshly anointed it glistens
So that my eyes see clearly the greed of those who envy
And my ears hear patiently the confused cacophony of the world 

Those who go in accord with you grow fresh as palm trees
Grow tall as the cedars of Lebanon
For they are planted in your house, their leaves rustle in your courtyards
Even in old age they'll flourish, vigorous and covered with foliage
Emblems of your uprightness, your rocklike steadfastness
Sealed and without a crack

שבת שלום

Shabbat Shalom

Teaching & Learning

היום שמונה ושלשים יום שהם חמשה שבועות ושלשה ימים לעמר
Today is thirty-eight days, which is five weeks and three days, of the omer
תפארת שביסוד
A day of compassion in a week of foundation

Yesterday I had four different periods of teaching/learning. I could label each one, but each had elements of both.

Our rabbi has his weekly Torah study session on Thursday mornings after minyan, but yesterday he couldn't stay--his young son was getting his siddur in a ceremony at the day school and, of course, he wanted to be there. The assembled group asked me to lead the study. I have to admit feeling some gratification in the confidence they placed in my ability to do this. I went to the library to grab the Nechama Leibowitz Bamidbar volume--always a good aggregate of commentaries, and led a lively discussion.

Then it was off to the East Bay for my weekly Torah study group. My friend Edna and I have been studying Torah with Rabbi Carol Caine using the Nechama Leibowitz studies as our base. Yesterday, after two years of study, we finished Bereshit. It has been truly wonderful to share in these teachings, sometimes arguing among ourselves but more often arguing with the generations of commentators. We now leave these personal spiritual stories behind and start Shemot--a book of revelation where the Israelites start their journey as an integrated society.

Back over the bridge, I prepared the materials for my new bar mitzvah student and drove over to Beth Sholom for my first meeting with him. The introduction went well. He's an engaging kid and seems ready to take this path with me. He's a sports fan, which always works well in my favor. He's a Giants fan, and had a bit of a mischievous glint in his eyes when I told him I root for the A's. When I told him he gets to choose the color of the streaks in my hair for his bar mitzvah, he said, with a wide smile, "Well, orange and black, of course." We'll see if I can convince him to let me add some blue as well for the Mets--my National League team.

After evening minyan, I ended my day of study with Talmud. Since October I've been part of a small group to be guided through these teaching with Rabbi Avi Novis-deutsch. Avi is an Israeli, a Masorti rabbi, and a great teacher. He doesn't want us to just accept the teachings of the Talmud--he wants us to wrestle with them, to find ways to make them meaningful to us in this day and age. I will miss these sessions, and hope I can study with him in some way next year before he returns to Israel.

A very rich day, indeed. I taught my students, and learned from them. I gained insights from my teachers, I shared my thoughts with them. All good foundations in this foundational week.

Seasons of Fruit

היום שבעה ושלשים יום שהם חמשה שבועות ושני ימים לעמר
Today is thirty-seven days, which is five weeks and two days, of the omer
גבורה שביסוד
A day of strength in a week of foundation

Living in San Francisco, I may not get definite weather clues that reveal the different seasons, but I can mark the time of year with the produce that's available at the farmer's market.

As evidenced by this photo of today's selection, fruit season has begun. The rainier and bing cherries herald the start--their appearance puts a big smile on my face. It's a short run, but a sweet one. This year I'm going to put up some jars of cherry infused brandy, so I'll be able to enjoy their goodness, with a kick, after they disappear from the stalls in late June.

The apricots pop up with the cherries. At first they're a bit hard, a little sour, but I want the taste so much I overlook those flaws. They'll reach their peak in a couple of weeks. and stick around through July.

I wish you could taste the white peaches shown here--incredibly juicy. The different varieties will take me through the entire summer, like the large cling peaches and ultra-sweet donuts.

In California we get winter strawberries, but the ones that come with spring have more concentrated flavor. And I get to match them with the new crop of raspberries with a 2 for $5 deal.

I believe in eating seasonally, which means a limited fresh fruit selection in the winter. But it makes me appreciate those first bursts of summer fruit flavor. So don't tell me we have no seasons here in San Francisco, ours are just defined by a different sense--the sense of taste.

L'Dor V'Dor

היום ששה ושלשה יום שהם חמשה שבועות ואחד יום לעמר
Today is 36 days, which is five weeks and one day, of the omer
חסד שביסוד
A day of loving kindness in a week of foundation

In a week and a half, my first official Beth Sholom student will commemorate his bar mitzvah. In this past year there were times of struggle--his haftarah is long; the Hebrew did not come easily. But he worked very hard and put in his practice time while juggling school and band and competitive gymnastics.

Today, he could chant his Torah blessings, his Torah from the Torah text, his haftarah blessings and his haftarah. I am so proud of him. I could see by the smile on his face that he feels that sense of accomplishment that is one of the many lessons of this year long exercise. And I store that look in my heart to carry me through those inevitable tough times with future students.

לדור ודור

From generation to generation

we transmit our tradition

with loving kindness

That is our foundation

My Sunny Yard

היום חמשה ושלשים יום שהם חמשה שבועות לעמר
Today is thirty-five days, which is five weeks, of the omer
מלכות שבהוד
A day of majesty in a week of humility

This is our lovely little back yard. A few minutes after taking this photo, I was enjoying lunch in the sun at that very table :)

It's a big deal for us to have that table there. For in that place once stood a large yucca tree. But after a two year process of removal, the tree is now gone.

When we moved into this house 19 years ago this coming August, there were two trees in the garden--the other one was planted in the center of what is now the back stone area. That tree fell in a storm about ten years ago. I can't find any photos of the yard with the trees. It's hard to imagine how they fit in. I wonder why anyone would plant them in that small space

We know they were a fairly new addition to the yard. Below you see a photo from 1927. In the upper left hand corner you see the back of two houses. Our house is the white one, second in from the edge. the yucca trees are not there. If they were, you would not see the back of our house, looking pretty much as it does today, except for the windows.

The slope you see is now filled with greenery, there are more houses to the left, and the street is paved. But the neighborhood looks pretty much the same. I love living in this city. It may have its ups and downs--topographically and economically. But it has become my home.

Keep on keeping on

היום ארבעה בשלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות וששה ימים לעמר
Today is thirty-four days, which is four weeks and six days, of the omer
יסוד שבהוד
A day of foundation in a week of humility

One of my elementary-through-high school buddies who I'm now connected with through Facebook  asked this week, after seeing my omer counting posts each day, "How long are you going with this?" Although I responded with the particulars of the ritual, he brought to mind an aspect concerning the flow of the practice I hadn't considered before.

In the framework of the counting of the omer, this fifth week is the first full week over the halfway point of the period. I have to admit, I'm feeling the weariness when I have to force myself to post each day. I'm sure the writing suffers. Even those who just follow the count are getting that "is this done yet?" feeling.

It is these tired moments that are crucial in any practice. Practice is about doing--just doing. You don't have to like doing it, you don't have to want to do it, and you don't have to do it well. You just keep up the practice and see where it leads. Some paths bring revitalization to the practice form, others may transform it into something very different, and there may be circumstances when it needs to stop altogether.

But if it just ends with a tired shrug, then it's not the practice that didn't work, it would mean I couldn't work with the practice. And while that's not necessarily bad, it would be something to be noted.

A foundational thought in this week of humility.

Organized Religion? I think not...

היום שלשה ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה עבועות וחמשה לעמר
Today is thirty-three days, which is four weeks and five days, of  the omer
הוד שבהוד
A day of humility in a week of humility

For the past few years, I've been pondering the statement I hear often from friends, "I don't believe in organized religion." It's often said as part of a discussion as to why I have taken on a Jewish spiritual practice. Sometimes I respond in a joking manner, "Have you read nothing about the different factions within Judaism? There's nothing very organized about the religion :)"

But as I get deeper into my practice in this time and space, I understand that statement more and more as I affiliate with the "official" Jewish organizations less and less. While I belong to a synagogue that is fiercely egalitarian, where women and men have equal footing in ritual practice, the movement it is affiliated, the Conservative Movement, won't take an unequivocal stand on that issue. At the synagogue that I grew up in, located on Long Island in New York, women still can't chant Torah, and if I were to attend their weekday minyan, I would not count as one of the ten needed to say kaddish. Yet they are also affiliated with the Conservative Movement, so my synagogue dues helps support them.

The Groucho Marx line keeps going through my head, "I don't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member." They want me as a member, but I don't fully belong. While some members would embrace me and my practice, others would block me from fulfilling roles important to that practice. And the big organization that is supposed to support me still, won't make a full commitment to egalitarian ritual practice in the name of not upsetting some of their members. I guess I don't matter too much to them, since upsetting me and others like me is okay.

Not a very uplifting message for the day, but one that I must continue to bring up and ponder--not just for myself, but for future generations of Jewish women.