The Perfection Within Us All

היום אחד ושלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות ושלשה ימים בעמר
Today is the thirty-first day, making four weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבהוד
A day of compassion in a week of humility

In this week Torah parsha, Emor - Lev 21:1 - 24:23 - we read that in order for one of the priestly tribe to be able to offer a sacrifice, they must be "perfect"

Adonai spoke further to Moses: speak to Aaron and say: No man of your offspring throughout the ages who has defect hall be qualified to offer the food of his God. No one at all who has a defect shall be qualified: no an who is blind, or lame, or has a limb too short or too long; no man who has a broken leg or a broken arm; or who is a hunchback, or a dwarf, or who has a growth in his eye, or who has a boil-scar, or scurvy , or crushed tested. no man among the offspring of Aaron the priest who has a defect shall e qualified to offer Adonai's gift; having a defect, he shall not be qualified to offer the food of his God. He may eat of the food of his God, of the most holy as well as of the holy; but he shall not enter behind the curtain or come near the altar, for he has a defect. he shall not [profane these paces sacred to Me, for I, Adonai, have sanctified them."
--Lev 21:16 - 23

Many who read this now have real problems with this passage. Why do those who offer the sacrifices have to be perfect? Are not we all perfect before God, before the Transcendent, perfect within ourselves--as long as work to be the best of ourselves. Does this not propagate the images blasted all around us of outward, societally excepted beauty as perfect? Are we not good enough to make these offerings?

I always teach that we need to look at the words of the Torah in the context of the culture they were written in to find the meaning that is meant to speak to us today. And about eight years ago I found a way to unlock the teachings of those words.

For in that time, in that society, the Israelites weren't constantly faced with a false sense of beauty everywhere the looked. They saw themselves and they saw those around them. I that time, having the "perfect" priest perform the sacrifices didn't mean they weren't good enough. I believe they could look at the "perfect" priest as the one who represents them to God. That priest symbolized, embodied who each of them were. So, instead of feeling inferior to that person, not "perfect" enough to offer the sacrifice--especially those who were even of the priestly class--they saw that "perfect " priest as themselves--they were that perfect person before God. Each one, whatever their exterior being, was, at that moment of offering--perfect.

It was true for the Israelites then, and with this interpretation, we see that it can be true for us now.

Morning Queries

היום שלשים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות ושני ימים בעמר
Today is the thirtieth day, making four weeks and two days of the omer
גבורה שבהוד
A day of strength in a week of humility

My favorite section of prayer in the Shacharit - morning - service is at the beginning. Starting with the morning blessings, I then check in with my relationship with myself, with others, with God. There's a Shema, the opportunity to study a little Talmud, and a chance to pay homage to the teachers in my life. Then there's a psalm of thanks, and the section ends with mourner's kaddish, taking me from my personal prayers into support for those around me. I've been saying these prayers for ten years, yet I still feel the power of their words, as strong as the first time of realization.

In my first one-on-one meeting with Rabbi Lew at the start of my first Makor Or practice period in 2001, he asked me if I had any questions. I had none. He then asked if I had any answers. No to that as well. He told me that my questions were out there, that they would find me. I felt a bit lost, not knowing how that would happen. But like the thoughts that come up in meditation, I let it go while still keeping it in my memory. And my meditation into minyan practice continued.

By that time, I had been going to minyan for about three months and was used to going with the flow of the service, even if it was too fast for me to concentrate on the meaning of the prayers. But there were those moments when certain words and phrases would catch my mind, bringing my davening momentum to a stop as I contemplate their meaning. Soon after that meeting with Rabbi Lew, I had one of those moments. Saying the prayers right after the litany of morning blessings, these words leapt out to me, seemingly for the first time:

What are we? What are our lives? What is our loving-kindness? What is our righteousness? What is our salvation? What is our strength? What is our might? What shall we say before You . . . ?

I had found my questions--or, I should say, they found me. And they find me each morning, helping me start each day with mindfulness.

Avivah Zornberg on Travail-ing and Laughing

היום תשעה ועשרים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות ויום אחד בעמר
Today is the twenty-ninth day, making four weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבהוד
A day of loving kindness in a week of humility

On Monday evening I went to the JCCSF to hear a teaching from Dr. Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg, one of this generation's premier commentators on Jewish sacred texts. Her subject that night was the parsha Lech Lecha, centering on the traveling - travail-ing of Abraham and the laughter of Sarah. I'm not going to go into the specifics of her presentation--that would a) take too long and b) there's no way I could give it justice. But in looking at my notes from the evening, I've find I preserved some phrases, some short points, that I find myself drawn to both in terms of studying Lech Lecha and in terms of looking at one's life. Below I share some with you.

Abraham was constantly traveling - "travail-ing" - always on the move, his story is a traveler's history.

The role of Abraham was to teach and reveal the glory of God in the world. "Lech Lecha" is to go to yourself--Abraham responds to the challenge.

If you know where you're going, you're already there. So, you have to experience a letting go, a travail, a laughter on the journey, before you can arrive.

Abraham's influence diffuses into the world like perfume.

Abraham's journey is a journey of madness. He doesn't know where he's going--he's destabilized.

Laughter has an element of play - of seeing something wondrous.

Laughter reveals the limit of experience.

Laughter is at the heart of faith, when strange flows can begin.

Laughter of Sarah makes closed things open.

Sacred Space - Meditation

היום השמנה ועשרים יום שהם ארבעה שבועות בעמר
Today is the twenty-eighth day, making four weeks of the omer
מלחות שבנצח
A day of majesty in a week of perseverance

Right after I publish this post, I will leave to teach at PTBE. In my class on sacred space with the 6th graders, I am going to teach meditation. I'm sure some of the kids will find this odd, some may act up. But there are always a couple who hear the message, who get how it works and how it can help them in their lives. They will learn that they can stop and take a moment, breath, and focus. The best lesson I can teach.......

Before I go, I'll share the poem I will recite at the end of their meditation. It's one of my favorites from Ruth Brin entitled "Invisible, Intangible"

All the invisible things fill our days,
Music and love and laughter;
All the intangible things affects us,
Words and anger and prejudice.

You are invisible and intangible,
A God of moods and relationships,
Within us, you are the spirit of unity.
Beyond us, You are the guide to greatness.

We pray to You with an invisible, intangible prayer.
You answer with a flaming sunset
And the touch of a baby's cheek.

Beware the Hidden Propaganda

היום השבעה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וששה ימים בעמר
Today is the twenty-seventh day, making three weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבנצח
A day of foundation in a week of perseverance

While doing some internet research on Don Isaac Abravanel, a 15th/16th century Jewish statesman and commentator for a talk I'm giving at Netivot Shalom on May 15, I came across a page titled "Edict Response by Isaac Abravanel." Having just read about Don Abravanel's efforts to reverse this edict by King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella in 1492 that led to the expulsion of Jews from Spain, I bookmarked this for later reading and eventually decided to print it out, thinking I might want to quote parts of it for my teaching.

Then I began to study the document. It just felt off, at odds what I had been reading about how Abravanel approached the King and Queen about the Edict. There were some sections highlighted with red text, and I couldn't understand why. And then I saw a note added by the editor of the website, which started with "Proving that everything that Ferdinand and Isabel did was quite correct! (Well, almost: they should have gone much further by considering all racial Jews as Jews in a legal sense. . .)"

As I went to see the home page of the root website, I was shocked to see a photo of Adolf Hitler. It is a white supremacist site, listing links to publications that spout their propaganda. I will not link the site, nor even name it. But seeing how easily I could have been pulled into their lies sent chills down my spine.

In May, 2004, I wrote a paper for my English 101 class at City College titled "Heeding the Visions of Huxley and McLuhan: Counteracting Racist Propaganda on the World Wide Web" Here is my opening thesis statement (note to any academics, sources available upon request :)

Aldous Huxley wrote Brave New World Revisited in 1958 after witnessing the power of using modern technology to spread propaganda. He quotes Albert Speer: “Hitler’s dictatorship . . . was the first dictatorship in the present period of modern technical development, a dictatorship which made complete use of all technical means for the domination of its own country”. Marshall McLuhan published The Medium is the Massage in 1967 when the boom of the technology age was on the horizon. He saw how the images and the processes of the media could influence society in a subconscious manner—“Media, by altering the environment, evoke in us unique ratios of sense perceptions. The extension of any one sense alters the way we think and act—the way we perceive the world. When these things change, men change”. Although both these men died before the World Wide Web came into existence, they have much to teach us about the dangers this new technology can bring.

There are many examples of the positive influence of World Wide Web as a resource for information and communication. Access to medical databases and the most up-to-date information available gives health care providers the ability to better serve their patients . Non-profit organizations can use websites to recruit volunteers without having to spend much money. Families of soldiers stationed in Iraq can connect with their loved ones through video conferencing . But we cannot ignore the dark side of the use of this technology. The same aspects of the World Wide Web that serve to unite civilization are being used by hate groups to divide society. We need to give students an education in media literacy to counteract the ability for a dangerous few to greatly influence a generation with their hate propaganda.

I go on to discuss how both Huxley and McLuhan forewarn how easily propaganda can be spread with the development of communication technology with global reach. I cite some of the white supremicist websites that are cleverly disguised as educational sites--even one that seems to be honoring Reverend Martin Luther King, althought the agenda is quite the opposite. I also cite resources for media literacy that are available for teachers and students. I conclude with this:

It is essential to teach students how to think and train them to evaluate the knowledge they gain. There is also the need to show students how to separate the content from the packaging. The pervasiveness of computer technology into the fabric of modern life has influenced how information is received. Perceptions of what is true have become more important than the truth itself. Giving students media literacy skills will allow them to analyze the information they receive and teach them to maintain control of their thoughts rather than relinquishing that power to someone else. . .

Aldous Huxley realized the need for education to combat the spread of propaganda—“The effects of false and pernicious propaganda cannot be neutralized except by a thorough training in the art of analyzing its techniques and seeing through its sophistries”. Marshall McLuhan saw the importance of teaching students to recognize the form of the new media as well as its informational content—“The classroom is now in a vital struggle for survival with the immensely persuasive ‘outside’ world created by new informational media. Education must shift from instruction, from imposing of stencils, to discover—to probing and exploration and to the recognition of the language of forms”. Education in media literacy is critical to counteract the use of the World Wide Web to spread racist propaganda. We need to heed the voices from the past and use the resources of the present in order to ensure that the future will not be controlled by those who preach hatred.

If I were ever to rewrite this paper, I'd have to take out the emphasis on students needing that education in media literacy and make the point that we all need to be aware of the lies that are out there disguised as educational material. Let us all heed this lesson.

Standing in the Stream of Life

היום הששה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וחמשה ימים בעמר
Today is the twenty-sixth day, making three weeks and five days of the omer
הוד שבנצח
A day of humility in a week of perseverance

At Beth Sholom, we ask anyone who comes to minyan to commemorate a yarhzeit--an anniversary of the passing of a loved one--if they would like to say a few words about the person they are remembering. It adds an extra level to the experience when the El Malai prayer is chanted--for the survivor sharing the memory and for those of us standing in support. At that moment, we all hold that person in our heart.

This morning, my friend Katherine shared the connection she felt between working with her son on the chicken coops they're building and the time her dad spent working with her on the Future Farmer of America projects of her youth. It was one way she could pass the love her father had for her on to her children. לדור ודור – L'dor v'dor - from generation to generation.

Another woman, Penny, was there to commemorate the yarhzeit of her husband. She told us they met in USY--the national youth organization of the Conservative Movement. They had 17 years together, were married for 11 years, and this was the 25th anniversary of his death. She shared this knowing we would understand the connections to her youth, to her Judaism. We could share the pain of her loss, no matter how long ago.

In these moments, as I place my hand on each shoulder and chant those ancient words, I feel humbled in the presence of enduring love and am honored to share in the stream of their lives.

Midpoint of the journey

היום חמשה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות וארבעה ימים בעמר
Today is the twenty-fifth day, making three weeks and four days of the omer
נצכ שבנצח
A day of perseverance in a week of perseverance

Today is the first step over the halfway point in the omer journey.

I wonder about the significance of this being a day of double נצח - Netzach---perseverance, endurance, determination. I think one of the lessons of counting the omer is to take on a commitment--you agree to count each day. It seems simple, but you still have to make the time, remember this small act in the midst of all the other things that fill your life. Mindfulness is not something that just happens--it takes work. But you can always look for help, and that's where the sephirot come into the process.

Here, as we move further away from Egypt, Mitzrayim, the narrow place and closer to Sinai and revelation, it's nice to have a Kabbalistic slap on the back, a hearty "Yasher Koach." We've persisted with determination and endured. We've laid the groundwork with loving kindness, strength, and compassion. Ahead we will experience humility, finish the foundation, and move into majesty as we prepare to fill ourselves with Torah.

Leyn Time

היום ארבעה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ושלשה ימים בעמר
Today is the twenty-fourth day, making three weeks and three days of the omer
תפארת שבנצח
A day of compassion in a week of perseverance

I've spent some time today practicing my Torah reading for tomorrow. I was asked to chant an aliyah by the Mirvish family, who will be celebrating the marriage of their son, Ezra. Not only is it an honor to be asked, but I know there will be many in the sanctuary who appreciate a good leyn.

There are many reasons why I love to leyn, why this ancient ritual calls to me. It connects me to the time when oral transmission was the only way our people could access this sacred text. The cantillation not only serves to draw people into the text but can add meaning and nuance to what is heard. I am part of the thread that goes from the Torah through me and weaves outward into the sanctuary, weaving us all together.

There are parts of the Torah I have chanted so many times, I know them by heart. There are times I feel like one of the characters at the end of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, those who memorize the books so that they will survive even though all the paper versions have been destroyed. I imagine there are enough of us in the world who could get together and recite the entire Torah.

Leyning is also a form of meditation. I need to be present, to be only in the present moment, looking at the parchment, seeing the black or brown letters--the white or cream space in between. If my mind wanders, I lose the thread, the cadence. When my mind drifts to other thoughts in meditation, I can always bring myself back to the breath; when I lose my concentration while leyning, I can always bring myself back to the chant.

I could go on....and on and on. But I'd rather share some beautiful thoughts on leyning by a kindred spirit - "Why I Leyn: A Manifesto" A good read with which to enter Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom

Hearing the Prophesy

היום שלשה ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ושני יומים בעמר
Today is the twenty-third day, making three weeks and two days of the omer
גבורה שבנצח
A day of strength in a week of perseverance

If you've read the previous post, you know I'm at a low ebb right now. So instead of creating a long or even a not-so-long tome, I'll commemorate Earth Day by sharing a song from one of the best musical satirists of our time, Tom Lehrer. I believe it's from a 1967 concert in Oslo.

I see artists like Tom Lehrer as prophets. Now, there's lots of talk of global warming and the consequences of the damage done to the planet in the name of technology and modernity. But fifty years ago, there were just a few voices.

Let's hope we can hear the message now better than we did then.

One sip too many . . .

היום שנים ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות ויום אחד בעמר
Yesterday was the twenty-second day, making three weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבנצח
A day of loving kindness in a week of perseverance

The count goes on, but the posting got interrupted for a birthday celebration, which included one too many sips of a margarita :) But I was surrounded by good friends, I came home to a husband who just got me what I needed to deal with it all, and these things happen every once in a while, so no harm done.

Time now to go to minyan and read some Torah---and feel some compassion for Nadav and Avihu, Aaron's sons. It is said they drank too much, which is what got them into trouble, playing with that "strange fire" in a most sacred space. At least I had my lapse in a more appropriate time and place......

Israel emotions

היום אחד ועשרים יום שהם שלשה שבועות בעמר
Today is the twenty-first day, making three weeks of the omer
מלכת שבתפארת
A day of majesty in a week of compassion

This day, when we commemorate the founding of the State of Israel, is no longer a day of happiness and pride for me. The existence of Israel as a Jewish state, as a homeland for a people who had no homeland for centuries, is of paramount importance to me. My Bat Mitzvah took place the week after the 6-day war, and I can still remember feeling the joy of that triumph. As a young teenager, I looked to Israel as a place I would need to live if George Wallace ever became president of the United States--I was not going to wait for him to declare me "the other." I could feel my ties to Israel when I spent 7 weeks there on my United Synagogue Youth Pilgrimage tour during the summer of 1971. I yearned to be in Israel during the Yom Kippur War, wanting to protect that place that was part of my heritage.

My feelings are much more complicated now. Yes, I want and need the State of Israel to exist, but I cannot agree with the path the present government of Israel is taking to secure that existence. I feel resentful that I was not taught the full story of the people who were living in Israel at the time of its birth as a modern nation. I can't understand why those in power in Israel don't see that their hard line stance will do nothing to clear the way towards peace and coexistence with the Palestinians. Right now there is one more generation growing up in an atmosphere of hatred--and that's an atmosphere that is a huge threat to Israel's survival.

It's so hard to find a place for to talk of these feelings. If I express them in some of my Jewish circles, I will be called a heretic--how dare I speak a word against anything Israeli. In other circles, I'm derided for supporting a country that practices apartheid. Neither description fits where I stand--which is decidedly on shaky ground.

This is an emotional issue for me, and I'm not sure I'm expressing myself well. And so I direct you to this article by Jay Michaelson from the September 24, 2009 issue of The Jewish Daily Forward, entitled "How I'm Losing My Love for Israel". He speaks for the angst that rages within me.

Breaking the Language Barrier

היום עשרים יום שהם שני שבועות וששה יומים בעמר
Today is the twentieth day, making two weeks and six days of the omer
יסוד שבתפארת
A day of foundation in a week of compassion

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I have started taking Hebrew Classes with Anat Wolins at her Yad Moshe Adult School for Hebrew. While I have been studying, chanting, and davening in Hebrew for over ten years, the ability to speak in Modern conversational Hebrew has eluded me. I have taken classes, tried Ulpan immersion, and bought books and some software. I just can't get it to stick.

There is a mantra in my immediate family--we're just not good with languages. No one in my family speaks a second language. My father has some Yiddish; I can pull up some elementary French I learned in High School--that's about it.

I love the Hebrew language--it speaks to me, touches a place of ancient memory. It is through that connection that I am able to chant Torah in a way that reaches out to allow those following along, enabling them to hear the poetry of the words. One reason I want to learn to speak modern Hebrew is to be able to tap into the modern Jewish connections found in the poetry of Israel's Yehudi Amichai and Zelda. I also want to tap into the scholarship and literature that is part of my Jewish heritage. I want to be a better teacher of Jewish studies--and to do that, I need to know Hebrew.

And so, I step once more into the frey :) I know I have the intelligence to learn. I have the desire to learn. I hope I have the aptitude to learn. I can already write with the Hebrew alphabet--actually, my handwriting is better in Hebrew than in English, although not by much. I can easily read with the vowels, and my years chanting Torah help my ability to read without them.* I'm even sure I can input the vocabulary into my brain. It's the grammatical system that gives me a headache. There are so many gender, number, and tense combinations that apply to so many parts of the sentence. It's hard to imagine it coming to me naturally, to be able to speak effortlessly. But I have to believe it will happen.

When I started playing the guitar this summer, I felt I would never be able to approach playing an F chord, a chord that needs a finger on each of the six strings--you do the math:) Of course, the F chord is integral to so many of the songs I want to play, and, at the time, it felt so far away. But through the months of practice I've been able to find a way to make it work, albeit imperfectly. As long as I keep practicing, I can see that I will get better. That experience, combined with Anat's teaching style and experience, gives me hope that with perseverance, I will become a Hebrew speaker.

Imagine my joy when I combine the two, playing the guitar, singing Hebrew songs with complete comprehension.

כן יהי רצון
May it be so


*Hebrew words are written without vowels--both biblical and modern Hebrew. In this way, it's similar to Sanskrit - see this post.