Monday, May 30, 2011

Step by Step

היום שנים  וארבעים יום שהם ששה שבועת לעמר
Today is forty-two days, which is six weeks, of the omer
מאלכות שביסוד
A day of majesty in a week of foundation

It was four weeks ago that I wrote about looking for balance in my life. I ended that post, "Balancing Act," with the observation that sometimes you need to change the placement of the balancing point. As I mark this sixth week of the omer, I realize there has been a foundational shift in my Jewish ritual practice.

My avodah-my service time is in better balance with my prayer time. I've made a conscious effort to step back from many coordinating roles. I participate in and certainly help support my community, but my responsibilities need to be focused on my teaching and my editing work. I need to make my personal practice a priority over that of the communal practice. I have given too much avodah to the detriment of my spiritual well being. I need to recalibrate that ratio in order to better serve both myself and the community.

Five weeks ago I also focused on finding balance. It was the first day of malchut in the cycle, and I wrote:
I wonder whether malchut is the place where all the other attributes meld with each other--like the way all the colors together make white. I can feel it as the union of the other aspects, a reminder of the balance needed to hold them all.
That aspect of malchut has come to the forefront for me this year. I have used each of the attributes to inform my thinking as I've pondered my next directions. One foot in front of the other, I continue to find my way.

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