Taking memories forward

היום אחד חמשה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות ויום אחד בעמר

Today is fifteen days, which is two weeks and one day of the omer
חסד שבתפארת
A day of loving kindness in a week of compassion

Truly a day of loving kindness and compassion, as I officiate at an unveiling--the Jewish ritual marking the placement of a headstone at the grave of a loved one. It is not something I've done before, and I am honored to have been asked to lead this ritual so close to the hearts of the family who lost their husband and father. We will remember him, with tears and as well as some laughter. It is hard to see this reminder of his death, literally set in stone. But there is also a sense of moving on, letting go--not having the memories fade, but being able to keep them close without the immediacy of the pain. In this way, this ritual serves not as an ending commemoration, but as one that marks the beginning of the new journey.

Zichrono L'vracha -- may his memory be a blessing

Manifesting leadership in strength

היום אחד ארבעה עשר יום שהם שני שבועות בעמר
Today is fourteen days, which is two weeks of the omer
מלכות שבגבורה
A day of nobility in a week of strength

Thank you, Adam Silver, on this day of nobility, of leadership, in a week of strength. For today you have exhibited those qualities.

There was lots of speculation as to how the NBA would react to the horribly racist views expressed by LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Would Commissioner Adam Silver try to walk a line of doing something without too much impact, something done as a stop-gap measure until the NBA playoffs were over? Would he be able to come down hard on a very rich owner, part of a group of very rich owners all who want to protect their investments--who might not take well to being told what they can and can't say, especially in private.

Adam Silver, just months into this extremely high profile position, faced a situation more more volatile than anything his predecessor David Stern had to face in the 30 years of his term. And while there is still much more to unfold in this story, Silver's decision to ban Donald Sterling for life, fine him the maximum allowed, and direct the owners cast a vote to force Donald Sterling to sell the team was strong and bold. His demeanor in the press conference was calm and firm, clearing acknowledging the issue, letting all know that there was no question about the solution. I applaud him.

I understand the point of those who wonder why it took so long for the NBA to do something about this man whose racism was well know, not just within the confines of the sport but out into the wider world where he engaged in egregious housing discrimination:

. . . in 2003, 19 plaintiffs sued Sterling for housing discrimination. In the suit, Sterling is accused of telling his staff that he did not like blacks and Hispanics, citing their behavior. “Hispanics smoke, drink, and just hang around the building,” he allegedly said. What’s more, the lawsuit said, Sterling told his staff that he only wanted to rent his apartments to Koreans and forced black tenants to sign in when they entered the building. “Is she one of those black people that stink?” he allegedly asked of an elderly black tenant who needed repairs to her apartment. “I am not going to do that. Just evict the bitch.”  (Slate.com)

I agree that something should have been done earlier, and maybe someone will ask David Stern why he remained silent and inactive. But this is now Adam Silver's league, and he did act. Also, although it may be sad that it's just because of words and not actions that Sterling, a large beam of light is focused on the specter of racism still hovers over this country. And bringing that awareness to light may help to remind us all, to teach us all that the fight for civil rights is not over.

Women of Valor

היום אחד שלשה עשר יום שהם שבוע אחד וששה ימים בעמר
Today is thirteen days, which is one week and six days of the omer
יסוד שבגבורה
A day of foundation in a week of strength

I began my Yom HaShoah commemoration yesterday dealing with the global aspect of needing to continue this important remembrance. We need to take the reflections of this day and turn them into actions. And the news this past week of the words and actions of Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy shows how much work there is to combat racist hatred.

Today I honor two women who survived the Shoah with their souls intact. Neither had easy lives and suffered wounds often hidden but never completely healed. They both lived long lives with a deep faith not so much in God but in the spirit, teachings, rituals, and traditions of Judaism.

My dear friend Mitzi Wilner survived by living as a Catholic nanny using her best friend's papers with her friend's maiden name. But her parents, her sisters, and much of her family were captured and killed in the German "actions" in her Polish town. Somehow she was able to keep her faith in a way seems unfathomable in the context of her experiences. As Rabbi Lew wrote upon hearing of her death: "Mitzi’s spirituality was irreducibly Jewish; a great light that she carried out of some of the darkest places the Jewish soul has ever seen, and into a world of hope and continuity."

And then there was Goldie Rassen, who rarely talked of her life in that dark time. She was in a labor camp, and she made it through. She felt so strongly that adherence to Jewish practice is what would keep Judaism alive for the generations to come. She wanted Jews to know Hebrew, to read the literature, the poetry, the teachings that Judaism has to give, both secular and sacred. Her life was dedicated to teaching others, and she was cherished by her students. While I don't have a photo of her, I have this poem I wrote in her memory to keep her in my heart

לגולדי  –  מורה שלי – חברה שלי

To Goldie - My Teacher - My Friend

אני זוכרת את הפנים שלך

I remember your face

אני זוכרת את הקול שלך

I remember your voice

אני זוכרת את הידיים שלך

I remember your hands

אני זוכרת שלמדתי איתך

I remember studying with you

אני זוכרת שדיברתי איתך

I remember speaking with you

אני זוכרת ששרתי איתך

I remember singing with you

אני זוכרת שהתפללתי איתך

I remember praying with you

את יושבת בלב שלי כל אזמן

You live in my heart forever

זכרונך לברכא לי

Your memory is a blessing to me

Zichronot L'vracha
The memories of these two strong, courageous women
are certainly a blessing to me. 

6 million...then and now

היום אחד שנים עשר יום שהם שבוע אחד וחמשה ימים בעמר
Today is twelve days, which is one week and five days of the omer
הוד שבגבורה
A day of humility in a week of strength

Yom HaShoah -- the day we remember those lost in the Holocaust.

At the start of my course on the Shoah, I share this with my students:

There are a little over six million Jews in the US.
Six million.What if all the Jews in the US were to disappear?

It's one way I can impress upon them the enormity of what happened in the Shoah. It's inconceivable and incomprehensible. For no reason other than they were of a certain religion and ethnicity, 6 million people were murdered. And too many people stood by and watched it happen.

We need to teach the why and how of what happened to truly honor the memories of those who lost their lives. Our remembrance needs to encompass a mindfulness that the conditions that brought on that horrible onslaught of the 20th century can happen, and I'm sure some would say has happened, again.

As a young girl growing up in the shadow of the Holocaust, the phrase "Never Again" was drummed into my brain. I feel the pain of that time and place. But I need to take that pain and have it fuel my passion to teach my students an awareness of need to work for justice in this world. The story of our people--the story of freedom and liberation that we told on Pesach; the stories of perseverance and survival that we tell this week--is the foundation of those teachings.

I stood yesterday to say kaddish for all of those lost souls--so many have no one to stand for them. But more than just remembrance--we need to take action in one way or another to ensure we do not witness another Holocaust for any peoples on this earth. In that way, we can truly make their memories a blessing.

Define God

היום אחד עשר יום שהם שבוע אחד וארבעה ימים בעמר
Today is eleven days, which is one week and four days of the omer
נצח שבגבורה
A day of perseverance in a week of strength

There is a saying attributed to Rabbi Louis Finkelstein, "When I pray, I speak to God. When I study Torah (the first 5 books of the Bible) God speaks to me." As someone who does both regularly, I am often asked about my relationship to God. My standard answer is, "Define God."

My reality is that I don't know how to define God. I like to say that God lives in the unknown. Lately, thanks to Rabbi Bradley Artson, I'm thinking that God lives in the connections we have--connections with others, with the planet, with ourselves.

I have been studying Torah regularly for more than 15 years, cycling through the same five books in one way or another. Each year I find not just new teachings, but sections of text I feel like I haven't seen before. That is the "magic" of any sacred writing, and why those texts written in ancient times still speak to people today. I am not so concerned about who authored those writings--some say God, some say people who were God-inspired, some say a combination of deep philosophers with some really good storytellers. I'm in the latter camp, but will respect others' beliefs as long as they respect mine. What's more important than the "who" of the books is the "what" that they have to offer. The teachings I receive from the words of the Torah through the myriad of lenses set out by commentators throughout the ages help me navigate the relationships that make up my life.
That is my version of God speaking to me.

In prayer, through song or words, I seek release from my overactive, wondering mind. The melodies cycle through not just my head but run through my being. I often stand, swaying, dancing in my place with the rhythms. The biblical Hebrew with the tunes from another time and place touch the seed within--the part of my DNA that connects me with my ancient tribe. Reading the liturgical psalms and poems, I get to enter that timeless stream where the past, present and future are one. Those words written so long ago engage me with thoughts of compassion, thankfulness, fullness, and peace. They serve as a reminder that while we may be walking on the edge with stability in question, taking a moment to breathe, letting go of extraneous thoughts can bring in the balance we need.
That is my version of speaking to God.

Shabbat Interlude

היום עשרה ימים שהם שבוע אחד ושלשה ימים בעמר
Today is ten days, which is one week and three days of the omer
תפארת שבגבורה
A day of compassion in a week of strength

I take a deep breath, preparing to enter Shabbat
Thankful for this morning's rain and the late afternoon sun
Glad to be looking forward more than back
More aware of these steps towards revelation than I've ever been
Appreciating this peaceful moment

One of these things just doesn't belong . . .

היום תשעה ימים  שהם שבוע אחד ושני ימים בעמר
Today is nine days, which is one week and two days of the omer
גבורה שבגבורה
A day of strength in a week of strength

My husband, Ken, is an engineer in the film/video production world. He works as an independent contractor for companies large and small. When first hired by many of the large companies he needs to fill out a form in order to become an approved vendor. They need to know that all the paperwork for his company is in order--license, insurance, taxes. Pretty standard stuff. But today, while filling out a form, he called me over to look--there was something that seemed very unusual.

This particular form had a section to declare whether or not the business in question was minority owned. Nothing odd there---yet. If the answer was yes, you were instructed to select one of ten categories. There were the ones you would expect--African-American, Hispanic American, Native American. Caucasian Female looked a bit odd, but I get this, taking out any confusion as to which one non-white Female would select. I'm not sure I would think of Handicapped or Service Disabled Veteran in this sort of selection, but okay. There are three Asian minority categories--Asian-Indian American, Asian-Pacific American,  and Subcontinent Asian American (the hyphens are theirs). I don't know what I would choose if I was of Chinese, Japanese, or Korean descent--they seem to be left out of this list. Nor do I know who would be considered in the Subcontinent Asian category, since they seemed to have people of Indian descent covered.

But none of those were the reason Ken called me over to look. No, the category that caught his eye was Hassidic Jewish. Hassidic Jewish???? Really????  How does that belong there? Yes, Judaism is an ethnic religion, but at this point, anyone can convert to Judaism of any sort--which includes becoming an Hassid. And why would an owner's religion have any bearing on a business's minority status. To my eye, there is something very wrong here.

This is so out of left field, it makes me uncomfortable. I understand that there may be governmental advantages in hiring a minority owned business. But this is a country that is supposed to be founded on the principle of separation of church and state. Including Hassidic Jewish in this lists seems counter to that principle. I'm not sure how that got there and why--and I may be a bit paranoid, but it doesn't feel like any reason would be a good one.

When lesson plans get personal

היום שמונה ימים  שהם שבוע אחד ויום אחד בעמר
Today is eight days, which is one week and one day of the omer
חסד שבגבורה
A day of loving kindness in a week of strength

I'm in the midst of an 8 session course I'm teaching to 7th & 8th graders on the Jewish experience in America. Most of the students are interested in the subject--a nice plus that's not always the case when teaching in a supplementary synagogue environment. And those that are there just to mark time have been, for the most part, engaged--another check mark in the plus column. I can think of two aspects that may have piqued their interest.

One is that they are learning something new--a part of American and Jewish history they have not been exposed to before. It was great to hear a collective "that's cool" when I showed them a prayer written in Hebrew to honor the ratification of the Constitution that included an acrostic of "Washington" in Hebrew. They had also never considered that there would be Jews who were slave owners, as we considered what seders would have been like for southern Jews, speaking of their ancestors' liberation from slavery while being served by their own African-American slaves.


I think, and I certainly hope, that this subject is also making them think about their own relationship to being a Jew in America. I set the stage in the first class as we talked about the whether they thought of themselves as Jewish-Americans or American-Jews, and what the difference between the two would be.

The lesson I will teach this evening was actually one catalyst to me developing this course. We will be looking at the time period of the great wave of immigration to America from 1880 - 1920, when approximately 23 million immigrants entered the country, mostly from European countries. Around 2 million of those immigrants were Jews, mostly from Eastern Europe. Many of those Jews crowded into New York City's Lower East Side, creating a new world for Jews in American where, for the first time, they are a majority, albeit in a small corner of the country. Since most of my students are California natives, the immigrant experience as it applies to Jews is new territory for them, and something I think it's important for them to know. It's not just about teaching them about their heritage, which is important, but my hope is that it will give them a closer lens from which to look at all the immigration issues facing us in America today.

In planning this lesson, I realized I could also make it personal for me. I will be sharing photos of my family--photos taken in both the old and new worlds. I will show them my grandmother's family. I will show them a photo of my great-grandfather in his klezmer band in Poland, and my grandfather when he played with Paul Whiteman's band in New York.  I'll show them the ship manifests from the Ellis Island website, with the records entry for my grandmother, my aunt, and my great-grandmother Malkah--for whom I'm named.

I'm hoping bringing in my family's story will help make this time period come alive for them. Maybe I can get another "that's cool" reaction. It is pretty cool for me to be able use these mementos from my family's past to teach those who are the future of our people. It not only brings to life the phrase, "L'dor v'dor" - from generation to generation, but it lets me honor the memories of those who were dear to me, truly making them a blessing.

Finding my Makom Kavua in the Jewish world

היום שבעה ימים  שהם שבוע אחד בעמר
Today is seven days, which is one week of the omer
מלכות שבחסד
A day of nobility in a week of loving kindness

In Jewish tradition, there is a concept of makom kavua - a set place for prayer. The idea is that one's prayer can be more focused when there is comfort of being in place. As someone who tends to be a creature of habit, I appreciate this minhag, this custom. It is important to guard against becoming too attached to a place. It's not kosher--and certain not welcoming-- to insist on dislodging a visitor who has unknowingly taken than space. And there are circumstances when a change in place is necessary. In my almost 14 years of prayer practice, I've had major changes--such as when the building housing my space was torn down and then replaced; and small changes-- like when a newcomer arrived and appropriated my place just as I was gone for a long vacation. There's nothing I could do about the former; as for the latter, I found a new place in the spirit of shalom bayit--peace in the house.

It's fairly easy to adapt to changes in makom kavuah in my prayer life. I can always find another place to sit. Finding my makom kavua in the Jewish professional world has been a much harder task. I began my path back to Jewish observance and study in the spiritual realm. The physical practice of yoga led me to look at its philosophical underpinning. The similarities I found there with Judaism propelled back to the practices that I was so drawn to in my youth, but now in an environment without gender biases. I could develop a meditation practice within the container of Jewish tradition.

Through the years, I have found my self drawn to leading services, chanting Torah, finding ways to help my communities connect to the Jewish rituals that so deeply touch my soul. I felt the calling to reach out to those who are on a similar search but need help finding their way. How to fulfill that calling was and issue for many years.

No matter how many times I hear someone tell me I should go to rabbinical school, there are many reasons that will not happen. I have, however, found a place in Jewish education. As a teacher of both children and adults I can share my love and connections with Judaism on many levels. In return, I learn much from my students, and the spiral of give and take keeps everything fresh and relevant.

The way isn't always smooth, my confidence level wavers, and I am often the victim of my own doubts. But while the specific space may change, I have found my place, my makom kavua in the Jewish world. With the help of many wonderful communities to support me, I hope to keep my focus as I continue to answer the call.

A disturbing "hoax"

היום ששה ימים בעמר
Today is six days of the omer
יסוד שבחסד
A day of foundation in a week of loving kindness

Last week, this article about the leaflets informing Ukrainian Jews that they needed to "'register' with pro-Russian militants" came across my twitter feed. Like many others, I spread the word, not wanting to remain silent, feeling the echoes of "Never Again."

On the heels of this globally viral spread, there came a new set of articles, such as this one from the NYTimes denying the validity of this action, with the Ukrainian leadership denouncing the act. Snopes.com, a website dedicated to investigating internet rumors, verified that the leaflets were fabricated, while noting that it was still unclear as to who initiated the act and why. In an article on the New Republic website, Julia Ioffe concluded her column on the incident with:

"So, in conclusion: the Jews of Donetsk and eastern Ukraine may have been asked by a leaflet to register, but it has not been enforced nor are any Ukrainian Jews registering themselves. If that changes, I'll be all over it, but so far, you can breathe easy. No Holocaust 2.0 just yet."

Frankly, I find this don't worry, you can "breath easy" approach disturbing. It may be true that there was nothing official about this call for Jews to register with the government, pay a registration fee, and declare their assets or face penalties that could include loss of citizenship and deportation. But I can only think that this action plays upon existing attitudes that can form the base of this Pyramid of Hate I use each year I teach about the Shoah.

I use this graphic not just to try to bring my students some comprehension as to how this inconceivable and incomprehensible horror of history happened, but to impress upon them that we need to be aware of our own actions and the actions of those around us so we can sound an alarm when if we see the seed of that sort of history being planted targeted at any people.

The fact that this very public antisemitic act was used to stir up trouble brings up the adage of "where's there's smoke, there's fire" -- and as I just found out this moment, in an all too literal manner. For there has been a report of a synagogue in Ukraine being firebombed this weekend. Which is why I find Ms. Ioffe's flippant "No Holocaust 2.0 just yet" statement disturbing. While I understand the need not to overreact, I also firmly believe this cannot be ignored.

United by Eggs

היום חמשה ימים בעמר
Today is five days of the omer
הוד שבחסד
A day of humility in a week of loving kindness

On Easter Sunday and the 6th day of Passover, it seems appropriate to write about eggs. Eggs are featured prominently in both holidays, both on a culinary and symbolic level.

I will admit that, while I've learned much more in my later years, I don't have deep knowledge of the Easter rituals. In my childhood I didn't even know what it represented. Being a New Yorker, I know people strolled down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, the women wearing big hats. I knew that eggs were tied to the holiday in the form of chocolate. And it seemed like it would be lots of fun to spend a day dying eggs all sorts of colors.

For Passover, of course, eggs loom large. Next to matzah, it's the one ingredient that's in almost everything that appears in Jewish food in one form or another. It seems like every recipe for anything contains at least 3 eggs and sometimes up to 12. I don't know how observant Jews who are vegan make it through the week.

Although Christians and Jews may eat their eggs different on these holidays, much of the symbolism of eggs is shared. Eggs represent creation and life and spring. We celebrate rebirth and liberation, and the reminder that we can start each cycle of our lives with hope.

Happy Mah Jongg New Year

היום ארבעה ימים בעמר
Today is four days of the omer
נצח שבחסד
A day of perseverance in a week of loving kindness

Along with the Gregorian calendar, the Jewish calendar, and the school year calendar, a part of my life follows the Mah Jongg calendar. The Gregorian year begins January 1st, the Jewish calendar has 4 New Years, with the official counting beginning with Rosh Hashanah in the fall, and the Hebrew school year starts either before or after Rosh Hashanah.


The Mah Jongg year starts April 1st with the release of the new card. It's a release that is eagerly awaited by players all over the world. Tonight I will play with the new card for the first time. It's always an exciting moment. Will this card be good to me this year? Only one Like Numbers hand, which does not make me happy, but at least they didn't leave it off completely as they have some years. Will this be the year I able to form one of the coveted doubles hands, garnering 50 - 75 cents from each of the other players? (yes, we play for really high stakes :) How many times will I have a brain blip and call for a tile while building my hand, only to then realize it's one that is marked concealed--and I'm out.

Just like the start of any New Year, it's exciting to start fresh. And no matter what plays out, I know, as always, that it will be a year filled with fun and friendship...and really good food :)

"What could be bad" Food Post 1

היום שלשים ימים בעמר
Today is three days of the omer
תפארת שבחסד
A day of compassion in a week of loving kindness

So many bloggers go through some version of a food phase in their writing series--recipe based, restaurant based, or a combination of the two. Often there's an overlay of health or decadence; regionally centered or a global journey. I am no exception to this rule.

I consider myself a good, rustic cook. My techniques may not be polished, but for the most part I get the taste right. I often work on the theory learned from my mother--"What could be bad?" While this has lead to the occasional odd pairing that doesn't work, it's held me in pretty good stead. I love cookbooks, but I've never felt restrained by recipes, often using them for a starting off point for my own creations--for better or worse :)

I do try to keep the majority of the ingredients that I buy natural and seasonal. I try to keep most processed foods off of my shopping list. I do like to use jarred tomato sauces and I have a weakness for mayonnaise (I grew up with Hellman's--Best Foods for the West Coasters--but I have transferred my allegiance to Trader's Joes, with no additives or sugar.) The amount of sodium in so many packaged foods--even those marked "natural"-- seems really high without getting the benefit of a nice, salty taste.

So learning how easy it is to make vegetable broth and then store it for use in all sorts of dishes was transforming for me. Kudos go to my friend Dorene Hyman for teaching this to me and now I will share this with you.

Now, this assumes that you are someone who cooks, since the basis for the broth is produce that you are using to make other dishes. While you cook, take all the ends and bits that you are not using--stems, roots, peels and instead of putting them in the garbage or compost, throw them all in a pot. Onions, garlic, chard stalks, carrot ends, ginger peel, cilantro stems, squash skins, mushroom stems--there's very little you can't use.

Fill the pot with water and when your prep time is done, you can start the broth. Bring it to a boil, lower the heat underneath to simmer, cover and cook for about an hour or so--basically just keep it there during your meal. Alternately, you can put all the bits in a plastic bag and store in the refrigerator if you'd like to make the broth later in the week.

Cool the mixture before you strain the broth to store it for later use. I have found that it's fine to leave the broth covered on the stove and package it the next day in containers of your preference. I like to make a couple of trays of vegetable broth ice cubes. Once they're frozen I pop them all in a bag for easy storage. Lately I've also been using a silicone muffin pan. The bigger size is more in keeping with the amount I'm likely to use. But another advantage of this is that I don't have to open a big container when I'm just using a cup or less.

You can't get much more simple than that. But what a difference it can make in your cooking. When making curries or stews, you get to use a tasty liquid without adding any extra salt. The cubes are great for deglazing a pan or adding a flavor to sautéed greens. And it's easy enough to always have around to use whenever you jump into a creative cook mode, this recipe supports all those "What could be bad" moments.

Feel free to share any tips or cooking ideas in the comments. And look for more food recipes and tips mingled among the posts for the next 46 days.

Teaching is the Guide

היום שני ימים בעמר
Today is two days of the omer
גבורה שבחסד
A day of strength in a week of loving kindness

The seders are over, fulfilling the mitzvah of teaching the story and its meaning to our children, which is what the haggadah, the telling, is all about. We've made the point that we were slaves, and now we're free. We've escaped from Egypt, from Mitzrayim, from the narrow place. The sea was parted for us, allowing us to walk on solid, dry ground. But the story does not end there. The journey has just begun.

We know the journey our ancestors will take--at least, we know what is chronicled in the Torah and the other biblical writings. What lies ahead for each of us is unknown. But we need to continually teach our children--as we say each day in the Shema, when we are home and when we are away; when we lie down, and when we rise. Because it is the teachings and the act of teaching with strength and loving kindness, that will guide us all on our way.

An Accounting of the Count

היום יום אחד בעמר
Today is the first day of the omer
חסד שבחסד
A day of loving kindness in a week of loving kindness

Today starts the period of the omer--a 49 day period of counting each day from the second day of Passover to the day before Shavuot. For those unfamiliar with this Jewish ritual, I recommend this article by Rabbi Jill Jacobs on MyJewishLearning.com for a good nuts-and-bolts overview of the ritual. As you will notice in the header to this post, which will occur in all subsequent omer posts, I use the kabbalistic method of marking each day, using 7 of the 10 of the Sephirot, the emanations, forces, emotions which, according to those mystics, are connections between us and God. Each week has a sephira; each day has a sephira. In the 49 days we get every pair combination. Explanations of the Sephirot can be found here and here; here you will find an overview of using them for the omer count. Feel free to search around for other sources but please, as with all internet searches, be mindful of who is putting out the information.

I also use this time as a writing practice, adding a blog post each day. As I need to remind myself each year on this first day of chesed she b'chesed--a double day of loving kindness, the practice is simply to write. It doesn't have to be award-winning or incredibly insightful--it just has to be. That is why it's called a practice. Like the counting itself, performing the ritual is its own reward. And like much of Jewish practice, fulfillment will come from the doing of the action--even if it takes a while to become evident.

I have one more thought to end this 5774/2014 inaugural post. It's something that now seems so obvious but just occurred to me as I began to think about this year's writings. This blog is an account of my thoughts with some stories of my life. An account --- a (c) count. A reckoning in words rather than numbers. And of course, that is its origin, from Old French to Anglo-French to Middle English to today.

So it seems that my adding this writing element is not just an overlay to the ritual, but emanates from within.